A Tale of Two Concerts

In a super-near-and, a princess (I can be what I want) decided to go to two concerts in one week! OMG. MUCH AMAZE. These concerts were decidedly different with decidedly different learning experiences. The queen (UPGRADE) has come forth to share these experiences with her subjects (that is you!).

Meshuggah (opener Warbringer)
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  • I learned I  like thrash metal (Warbringer) if it is live. If it is on Spotify they can suck a bag of dicks. Maybe not that harshly but now that we as a society have found out that bags of dicks are secret yummy gummies, is that really a bad thing? I think not. I would gladly eat a bag of dicks. Maybe i should delete that last part. Eh.
  • I hate using the word Metal. It is so vague. I am growing up and learning that terms like Metal, Electronic, Indie are so fucking vague and really don’t help anyone figure out what the fuck you are listening to.
  • Mosh pits like to do this kind of brutal ring-around-a-rosie. I really was holding out for the Mosh Pit duck-duck-goose or the Mosh Pit London Bridges (the children’s game, not the sex move you pervs).
  • Beer of Metal or Meshuggah? Coors with a smattering of PBR. What this Goddess (MEGA UPGRADE) drank? Gin and Club soda.
  • i cannot throw the “devil fingers” because I am afraid I will look like a silly Goddess and that I will throw the I love you or Live Long and Prosper.  Or the shocker. Again I shouldn’t have said that. Eh eh?
  • Ladies you love a man with a man bun? Do you care what music he listens to and that he may live with his mom (BURN- jk)?  SO MANY MAN BUNS.
  • In this day and age it is really hard to be bad-ass when you are in your studded leather Slayer jacket checking your Instagram picture of the concert for possible likes.
  • Meshuggah (oh yeah I should talk about the music right?) They are an amazing tight machine. If they were a fuck machine they would be super functional but you still wouldn’t want to fuck it. The rhythm isn’t anything anyone would probably get the right groove too. However. I have this stetting on my… laptop. Sure lets go with laptop. Changed my mind: it could work.
  • I seriously headbanged so hard, I was achingly sore the next day.
  • Another hard to be bad-ass moment: while in your shirt that says “you have the right to remain violent” and then holding a churro in one hand and a RedBull in the other. They really should make devil churro fingers for these concerts.

Belle and Sebastian (opener Perfume Genius)
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  • When they don’t have the bear shirt in your size your only option is the hippie peace one.
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  • It is almost required to dress in your manic-pixie-dream girl finest.
  • No alcohol for me. Happy that this venue has corralled all the drinkers into an area that doesn’t spill onto me.
  • Happy at the surprisingly little amount of cell phones taking pictures/video.
  • Perfume Genius is beautiful, primal, glorious. I love him dearly and he can do no wrong for me. He was sweet and demur and sang these songs with so much charged emotion.
  • More observational notes at Meshuggah since it was my first time at a “metal” concert and I felt like the anthropologist that was trying to be come one of the tribe but also be an outside observer.
  • Tall people are evil. Well not really, except for the ones that kill. They should be stopped. But I hate how they have to always stand in front of me at concerts. I see it is mostly the tall boys that have the tiniest girlfriends and obviously want to be nice and make sure the girl can see. This act of chivalry fucks me over.
  • Belle and Sebastian have a fuck ton of people on stage and I love that. It gave them a rich, full, and fun sound. They were perfect. One hour and forty-five minutes of fun and dancing.
  • Way more dancing than I expected and I loved that. Dancing at a concert is my #2 activity behind making out.
  • Stuart Murdoch. I love a chatty, charming, singer-song writer from the UK. It is my weakness. The heavens must line up perfectly for the sexiness overcome me but when it does my panties are all. … Seriously, Glorious Creator of Everything That is Existence (ULTIMATE UPGRADE) you really should just wipe all their brains (that is you).  But I am too nice for that. I did create pandas. And they are useless. But so cute!!!!!!!!!

Random Vivi Things – Read this you won’t believe why she is falling down the stairs

It is because she is clumsy. No none pushed her down, she just has a really bad relationship with gravity. Honestly when you think about it, gravity is the best and worst lover. You feel stable and secure and then all of a sudden you are covered in bruises. Why doesn’t gravity go to jail? CONSPIRACY that is why.

Things that are on my radar/love/like list:

Loves from Coachella:

Here are the acts I tried and fell in love from watching YouTube stream: 

TV Shows (focusing on ones starting back up or brand new):

  • Mad Men- If you haven’t started now why not? DVR the epis that have aired (2) and will air (5) and then marathon the rest on Netflix. You really shouldn’t be able to leave the house until you do. Better order your 50 pound bag of cheetos, case of water and 48 rolls of TP from Amazon now. It is easier on all of us if you do.
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  • Silicon Valley- This show is beautifully hilarious and weird. Even people who are on one episode and have a few lines are funny as all fuck. You can marathon the first season of this in one day and then get caught up on the new season.
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  • Game of Thrones- Honestly if you aren’t watching this it is because you tried and gave up (I understand completely) or you live under a rock. I know outside rock world is scary. But you know what? There is this actor named the Rock. Use him as your beacon into the world. Watch Furious 7 then try Game of Thrones. You can give up on it after one episode, I understand. Too many people that you really don’t care about and does it really need to be that rapey all the time?  However season 5, episode 1: It was really entertaining. I wasn’t bored and I wanted to know more. I hope they keep up that pace and minimize boring walking scenes and the unnecessary torture/rape/almost rape scenes. We get it— there are no laws except don’t kill the king (even though he deserved it the most). Why do you even have jails if you aren’t really using them? It just seems like a waste of real estate. Maybe build a Sephora instead. Westeros could really use a Sephora.
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  • Daredevil-  Brutal awesome. It made me care about superhero television shows and made me realize how great they can be. The acting is really good and the stories are plausible, compelling and sustainable over a season.
    joe_quesada_daredevil_netflix_poster-how-far-will-daredevil-push-the-marvel-boundaries-on-netflix

Make-up:

  • Too Faced Sugar Pop Palette-  It is all about migrating into spring/summer. I love this palette because it is bright and lively and has a great variety of colors to create summery looks. It is also small so I can take it with me on trips.  I have used it once so far and it was gorgeous on me. I love wearing orange on my eyes
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  • MAC Sushi Kiss-  This spring/summer it will be about the oranges for me. I have found a couple of oranges and there are some more I am looking at possibly acquiring (Tom Ford Omar or Tomas –I am looking at you). Sushi Kiss is this unique coral orange that is bright and fun and looks great on me.
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Games:

Tabletop day was this past Saturday and we had an amazing day playing games with all of our friends.  Some games I have been playing lately that I love:

  • Metagame- I Kickstarted this game over a year ago and finally have it in my possession. This game is super fun. It has the two card component style of Cards Against Humanity or Apples to Apples but there are multiple game variants and I really think each one sparks up new conversations and debates. The version we played was called Matchmaker and it ended up with people having to choose the best of the following examples:
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  • Star Realms- The ultimate deck-builder for me so far. It has super replay value. It has the assholery of magic except that both people playing are pulling from the same pool of cards thus you both equally get to be the asshole.  You both get the opportunity to have the asshole cards. It is the Oprah of deck-building games.
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  • Rivals of Catan: if you love Settlers of Catan but hate threesomes, this is the game for you. Two people go head to head. No need to trade supplies with each other. Fuck being nice. It is just fuck and fuck all.
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Random Thoughts

  • With the rash of teaser trailers that has leaked or been released this week I plan on creating teaser trailers next time I go to a museum. I will film some sort of costume, miniature exhibit or whatever. Then slap some dramatic music and a title. Pioneer outfits? OREGON TRAIL THE MOVIE.  Spirit of St Louis replica? YOU FLY BROTHER: The movie.
  • People use the Bible to defend some crazzzy ideas. I am now going to defend all of my ideas with the infamous book Pat The Bunny. If the bunny is fluffy this means that women should have the right to vote. You wouldn’t get the bunny sticky without asking, don’t do the same to women. FEMINISM.
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  • New movie: Shark Surgeon, MD (see he is super qualified). A Shark that performs surgeries with his mouth and is in a constant battle not to eat his patients. The struggle is real yo.

Coachella hack – bring the festival home

download (1) Coachella Festival of music and this is starting today.  I assume you are like me and are not going. And if you are more like me then you are at least curious to see some bands. I have a plan to create the Coachella experience in your very own home. I know this post is super late but hopefully you won’t have to go out and procure much to make your home into the number 1 alternative festival spot. Vivi’s “simple” 5 step plan to turn a home into a heartache, ooops, satellite Coachella.

1. Stream Coachella (Youtube Link)

Find away to get YouTube (streaming) on the biggest screen in your home. I personally use Chromecast but figure out what works best with YouTube streaming.   Get it going and get it going loud. There will be 2-3 channels for you to find the best shows to watch. You won’t have to walk through the heat from stage to stage. Your fingers will do all the traveling.

2. Research

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Everyone who is everyone who is everyone knows that the  “smaller font” bands are the “cool” bands you should enjoy. No one cares about AC/Decrepid (lololol) anymore. Jack White? more like Jack are you really still here? (no seriously we love Jack White and he can do no wrong). With a wee bit of prep you can find one “small font” act to enjoy.  You can go “crazy” and find multiple “small font” bands but we don’t want to shock your system too hard.

Here are some ones that I enjoy:

Charles Bradley – that soul music that makes you want to grind yourself into the ground because you are grooving so hard.

Glass Animals – that super sultry electro pop that is perfect for make-out sessions or even “me time”.  See also: FKA Twigs

Lights –  very close to CHVRCHES if you like them. If that is another band you don’t know think synthpop with chick vocals.

Perfume Genius – a slower drawn out pop (Wikipedia calls it Chamber pop). One of the closest performers and styles to David Bowie we have today (that I know of). But it isn’t exact. Just get the vibe people.

Sturgill Simpson – Country that country stations won’t play. This comment is according to my dad. This is the good “old country” vibe that is really good. No crap pop country.

3. Decorate your home

Some steps to create the festival atmosphere in your own home. Be creative! Turn up the heat! No that is stupid. The advantage is that it is nice and cool and not a fucking desert in your house.

A. Build your own beer garden.
Every festival has one and now you do too!! You will need:

-Dining Room table chairs
-Crepe Paper and tape
-Sign that says Beer Garden (put your own sponsor! Coors? Stone Brewing? Arbor Mist?)
-Cooler with beer (or whatever beverage you like)

Put the chairs in a big open circle or square and your choice if you want the seated part facing out or in. Tape the crepe paper around the chairs. Tape the sign around the chairs. Put the cooler in the circle/square. You may have to limbo a bit but it is a festival!. All parties have limbos (non-lame ones).

B. Hydration station
Place another cooler far away from that naughty beer garden that is filled with bottles of water. Don’t want to get dehydrated in this desert heat! Wouldn’t it have been awesome if I wrote dessert heat instead? Who doesn’t want a warm brownie with ice cream right now?  You know you do and since you are at home you can do it without paying $10 for something craptastic.  Do it!!

C. Sponsorship
Print out your favorite companies logos and paste them around your house. Everything at Coachella is branded some how. You could even get your friends to pay you $10 for a wall to be sponsored by their company. Everything is for sale!!  This “molly” is sponsored by the CBS hit show Mike and Molly.

D. ART!!

Be creative. Coachella has multiple art sculptures. You can create on by just carefully stacking stuff on top of each other. Take your ottoman and throw some pillows and cat toys on top. Look you just made art. Next stop the Guggenheim!

4. Decorate yourself.

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Here is an example of clothing

Then accessorize. Good accessories will take the least festival looks you have and make them all Coachella-y. This is mostly geared towards women but if any of this appeals to you men then rock it fierce.  And you probably only need one or two of these items to be in the “spirit” . Here is a Polyvore page of some suggested items (all from Forever 21 so reasonably cheap):

Festival Look

I would suggest the headband and flash tattoos. Maybe the sunglasses also. But the first two are simple easy and fun. You might be able to find the tattoos at a dollar store or Walmart. They are the in thing right now. To be festival ready think of the following: flowers, fringe, arrows, brown. Any combination of those and you are golden.

5. Invite your friends over.

You are all set and ready to party so invite some friends over to join you. You have the beer and water and decorations they should chip in for food.  But not chips. That isn’t food. That is just the vehicle upon which food is place (dip is totally food). When your friends are here, you can tell stories when you remember when this band was cool and didn’t sell out to big Corporate Coachella. Talk about how you saw them perform on the back of a moving truck and you had to run the whole way to catch the show. That is music, man. How it should be heard. Not just standing and aimlessly waving your arms around.

If your friends can’t come then gather your pets or stuffed animals and do the same. Also pick up your pets and dance with them. THEY LOVE THIS. Because they don’t know English, they won’t tell you but I know. They do. There you have it.

Have fun this weekend. Be safe! Don’t take anything your cat offers you. They aren’t to be trusted. They dilute all of their drugs.

Colors (dress, the world, Nick Cave)

I go out for a simple plate of pancakes, Click Click bloody pancakes, and the whole Internet is in a tizzy to determine if this dress is blue and black or white and gold: THEDRESS_FEAT-970x545 I have, honestly, seen both at times. Right now it is blue and black (which is correct). If you see white and gold it means the cones in your eyes (not the ones of Dunshire) are going funky for the moment (don’t worry, you aren’t that broken). Shorter wavelength, harder it is for us to always see it correctly and blue is pretty short on that ROYGBIV spectrum. I mean it is already past Roy and on to the beginning of Bell Biv Devoe. BTW that will be my mash-up band ROYGBIV Devoe. We do science themed Bell Biv Devoe songs. UPDATE: this explanation could be wrong but that is what I read at one point as the truth and in the spirit of the Internet, I will defend this point of view to the DEATH.

In other random color news. I have been “needing” nail polishes that are basically the same color. For example I just got these (at the same time):

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Okay they are different but not so significantly different that I needed both. I also got these two: essie-hip-anemaIMG_1371

Again different but super similar. Yet I love these nuances. I am fortunate that my eyes can see the differences and appreciate the differences in these nail polishes. I believe this is how I am able to love all the dream electro pop that is popular now and find uniqueness in all of it and cherish it all.

Dress Update!!!!

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SO are you a Kanye or a Kim? And no you can’t choose “other” or “I don’t wanna”. You have to admit you would love to have Kanye’s creative fearlessness with Kim’s ass. I assume she does something well and talented but I don’t know enough of her to tell you, so I will say….dat ass.  BTW— I am a Kanye all the way.

Not exactly color related but since color is related to how we came to be and if we didn’t become matter and stuff then we wouldn’t see color…. You all need to see Particle Fever.
I am enthralled by anything quantum/particle physics related and especially the Large Hadron Collider. Particle Fever is a great documentary about the start-up of this whole process to discover the beginning of us(<3). It is super fascinating on a human level rather than  the “yaya science” level. You get this rush of discovery excitement like when you were a child and trying to figure out the world around you by picking up sticks and poking each other. Or maybe you did some science: Like burning a bug or doing snail races. My snails always just did fuck all and refused to race. Fuckers. Anyways the guy who theorized this ” god particle” had to wait almost 50 years to see if it actually existed or not,  shows the amount of patience and dedication people have in this world. In a time when scientific endeavor is often demeaned as nerdy and useless, the idea that people continuously work to keep the ideas of exploration alive is a beautiful thing. It would be nice if we could, as humanity, appreciate them more however they will still keep going because that is what is next.

Also we should create science porn the Large Hadron Colide-insider.  LOLOLOLOL

Here is an awesome song that features a color:

I also discovered that there is this event coming to San Diego: http://www.lifeincolor.com/ From what I gather you attend a concert and then they cover you in paint. I think that would be fun and then  I would feel bad about the clean up. But then we all can be unicorns. And who doesn’t want to be a unicorn? Broken people, that is who. unicorn

Oscars 2015- Best Picture

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For me the slate of best picture nominees for 2015 is overall fairly week. I think I am in a rebellious phase against the bio-pic and this year 4 of the 8 nominees are bio-pics. Blergh.  Regardless I watched them all and will give you my quick reviews/key points about the movies. Probably some spoilers but seriously they are mostly based on truth so Wikipedia is also a spoiler. Also history.

Oh these babies are in order of least liked, to most liked so ooh a ranking!!

The Imitation Game

  • It has my detective boo, Benedict Cumberbatch but that didn’t save this mess of a film.
  • We get it, you like the bar but that doesn’t tell me about science or gayness. Just whatever.
  • Kiera Knightley is super amazing love. You should watch Begin Again to see a better movie with a better Keira Knightley.

Theory of Everything

  • Fuck Yeah Science!
  • Being a cripple doesn’t exclude you from the major dick card.
  • I love the cinnematography a lot. Though now thinking of it, I think i liked the parts where they were playing with all the Instagram filters.
  • Eddie Redmanye is brilliant in the movie and more than just for the I can cripple good factor. He acts the crap out of his eyes.
  • I don’t fully understand why the whole God/No God debate is so important. I don’t know if that was such a big deal in his story.
  • This movie is why I feel like biopics fail: there was so much more that happened that I was curious about but that was forsaken to try to make me cry. I want more SCIENCE. Less wank wank.
  • Oh I watched Particle Fever and that documentary is amazing and so much SCIENCE. So I suggest you fire up the old Netflix and watch this instead of Theory of Everything.

Birdman

  • To paraphrase the great Billy Eichner “we don’t need this movie just because Edward Norton is having a moment”. You could also replace that with Michael Keaton.
  • To be fair Keaton was amazing in this movie.
  • I wonder if Innaratu only gets cranes for his birthday and christmas.
  • I do love the tracking shot. I seriously never realized that’s  what it was until True Detective. Now I am all over that shit but still you need something more than some fancy camerawork (looking at your grave Kubrick).
  • A movie telling people what is wrong with them. Just go to therapy don’t become a bird. Seriously I think therapy is more helpful than being a bird. THough birds seem well adjusted. No they don’t I take that back. Any animal that just will randomly shit on someone isn’t well adjusted at all. Esp if you aren’t getting paid for it.

Selma

  • I have been told this story isn’t told right but I enjoyed the film.
  • Really powerful and effective in its message without being too sugary.
  • Made me want to learn more about the Civil Rights movement but in the good way. Not in the I feel like they left crucial stuff out way.
  • It was a solid movie but nothing special as a movie. Yes to the content not to the movie as a whole.

American Sniper

  • Because of Dallas Buyer’s Club now when I see a bull riding scene, I think someone is going to get AIDS.
  • Random thought: I just thought i had a discoloration on my arm that MUST be skin cancer (hypochondriac much?) but nope just soy sauce that splashed on me earlier.
  • Islamic Sniper had pretty eyelashes
  • Bradley Cooper was really subtle and powerful
  • This movie is so unbiased that anyone that sees the movie promoting any type of message is putting it in there themselves.
  • A really well done movie Super solid.
  • Wish I had something funny but really killing isn’t funny. Unless it is a clown because they are shitheads. Well not you. Don’t be sad clown. Sad clowns are the creepiest of them all. Because you want to hug that mess but then you don’t because: clown. And if anyone tries to bed me by saying “are you down to clown?” will get a frying pan to the face.

Whiplash

  • Because Cimbals/Symbols was rejected as a title.
  • BING BANG BONG was also rejected.
  • Blood on the Skins also rejected.
  • A tour de force of acting. blerg. Seriously the best acted movie out of all of the nominees It was amazing.
  • The direction was beautiful. These shots were all tight and focused in the best ways.
  • It made me appreciate Jazz.
  • JK Simmons should be able to do whatever he wants

Grand Budapest Hotel
How to determine if you will like this movie:

  • You like Wes Anderson films?
  • You like Moonrise Kingdom and parts of his other films (mostly the quirky fun parts and not the parts with total dicktatude?
  • You love the colors pink and gray and purple?
  • You are a big Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman fan?
  • You want to see a movie with Ed Norton not having a moment?
  • You just like fun and the concept of a soul?
  • You don’t want to make Vivi cry?

If you answered yes to any of those then you will love this movie.

Boyhood

  • This movie is really the only one you need to see. LOLOL. Nah it is super good though.
  • DId you ever wish you knew what it was like growing up as a kind of lowerish/middle class kid in mostly Texas? YES! Then do i have a movie for you.
  • Seriously just see the fucking movie. You know what it is about. SPOILER: No explosions.
  • Beautiful movie, love it muchly.
  • Sure it is long but you get Ethan Hawke being  mega Ethan Hawke. He may have one thing but he does it sooo good.
  • I am a sucker for the mush Linklater.
  • Do you think a lot of us like this movie because with either the pop culture or life moments we all just go “yup I remember that” and we just love this movie out of a sense of nostalgia? Or is the movie actually good? YOU WATCH, YOU DECIDE

Things Vivi is Interested In (Catchy Title!)

Random things I have been liking in the last month or so. I could enjoy them all this week, so it could be a “this week in Vivi” but that would be a lie. Liars are worse than the devil. He is upfront with all he entices you with and if he doesn’t then you are the idiot. Who the fuck doesn’t know about the devil and that he a) promises things that he can’t promise b) lives in a pit of fire.  So if you don’t like fire then don’t make deals. You don’t need a music career that bad, Billy Ocean.

Note: almost every subject is linked so you can learn more.  :)
Music

So much music I have discovered but these are the things that are making me the most excited.

  • Father John Misty
    I hear things and he is coming to San Diego and so I listened. I like muchly. That simple folk/indie style. I really like this song though everything on the album Fear Fun, is really good.  Devil would find it boring, so i say that is a plus.
  • Ed Sheeran – Thinking Out Loud
    This song makes me all mushy happy and I love to sing along.  You may need to listen to it about 10 times before it burrows into your brain and I highly suggest that. It is much better than a pit of fire. Perfect if you want to drink more water but need to add a bunch of stuff to make it taste better.
  • Adam Levine (from Begin Again) – Lost Stars
    Current earworm. Saw this movie (will talk more below) and this song sticks with me the most.
  • Concert Season is approaching and I have tickets to the following:
    • JMSN  -a sultrier, sexier Justin Timberlake
    • Joshua Radin – squee good solid indie pop songs. I realize with this, Father John Misty, and the Mountain Goats, I am listening to a lot of those indie dudes. I really wish I could give you words to describe them better. And they are all different too but there is a singular focus to my head.
    • Trampled by Turtles – mild bluegrass anyone? Devil loves it. He goes to Georgia for it, I hear.
    • Belle and Sebastian– mega squee. All of the adorkable girls represent!!! And if you think you are adorkable and you don’t like B&S then you are adorabroken.
    • Marina and the Diamonds– Looking for opportunities to dance my ass off.  Not literally. That is some devil shit. No idea why I have it out for the devil today but really isn’t anyone worse to go after. Maybe someone who is real and actually killed people but that is just too real. #realpeopleproblems
    • The Decemberists– I seriously doubted them coming to San Diego and that I would be going. Squee. Also the video linked is amazing and has Nick Offerman.

Beauty

  • Painted Nails- Been painting my nails like a BAWSE on the regular. Heeeeeeeeey. All the nail people represent. (no fucking clue either)
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  • MAC Miley Cyrus Viva Glam – Another no fucking clue. I needed it. I needed it bad. You know what I mean. The hot pinkness of it all. Not a Miley fan per se. No devils here.
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  • Shiro Cosmetics Eyeshadows- Legends Collection (colors: Heart Piece, Hero of Ages, Triforce)
    Seven Kingdoms Collection (color:  Climbing Chaos)
    These are pigmented as fucked (this is good for eyeshadow) and last a long time. I looked fierce wearing the Heart Piece. And great names and art work.
    shiro
  • MAC- Eye Shadow Palette
    In order to “save money” I got the palette to start filling with eye shadows. I now have 5 and if i remember the colors are  Da Bling,  Aquadisac, Shroom, Sushi Flower, Amber Lights. Love them all and the palette. It is so preeeeeetttty.
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Games

  • Eldritch Horror
    Mega game that is heavily themed around HP Lovecraft. There are mini stories, monsters, all types of horror. It is beautiful and perfect. One of my goals for 2015 was to do full plays of games we barely touched. This is number one and it was so much fun. 3 hours worth of fun.
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  • Settlers of Catan
    I only got to play my copy once before but was able to play it a bunch of times around Christmas. I love this game so much. The thing I love most about this game that isn’t as strong in other games is that every turn requires everyone to pay attention and be involved. If you don’t then you will lose valuable resources (literally). The devil hates this game because he is such a scatterbrained ninypoopz.
    catan
  • Mario Kart
    I have been playing this crazy ass game because I need to be better. I need to beat Andrea boo when he comes in March. Or at least not fall off cliffs. Also Waluigi is the new Toad in my life. annoying as fuck (totes devil)
    foto-mario-kart-wii
  • Pokemon X 
    Instead of reading great Russian Literature last night, I spent all of my evening catching up on my Squirtle, Lucario and the like.  Squirtle now has cannons because, cannons?
    mega_blastoise

Movies/TV

  • 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown / Big Fat Quiz
    They are so silly and sometimes fucking hilarious. I can’t stop watching both of these. Thanks to the power of YouTube I can find them everywhere.
  • Fargo
    This show is beautiful, tense, quirky, fun, amazing. So because I used a lot of descriptive words you need to see the show if you haven’t.
  • Begin Again
    From the dude who did Once. If you like Once, then you will like this movie. Also Mark Ruffalo. Just watch it.
  • Tinker Tailor Solider Spy
    Three years behind on this movie. it is amazing. Just beautiful spy awesome. Yum trifecta too: Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hardy, and Colin Firth.

Random (probably white girl things)

  • Mini-easels- I am using these to display art  I have on my desk at work. So pretty!!
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  • Old-Fashioned cocktail, esp if it has bacon. Really no further explanation is necessary.
    baconOF
  • Revamping my kitchen. It is super adorkable. Look at me I am so fucking quirky it is sickening.
    kitchen

I Got Stuff: Unboxing the PopSugar January 2015

I feel like a preface is necessary because of reasons for my head. It has been a long hiatus and I hope to keep this blog more steady and be more accountable to produce good and frequent content. The beginning of the year will probably be filled with these haul/unboxing posts and movie posts. Probably some music. So you know the usual. It is nice to have something come back and things not change too much. I mean this more for me than you.

New box of the month for me: PopSugar. I ditched Ipsy for a Lifestyle box, Popsugar. It is more expensive ($40/month as opposed to $10/month) but so much variety.

I think this month’s theme is something like Renew Re-Energize Whatever. Oh my picture quality will probably be horrible. I think this will make these posts less entertaining but i think it adds a level of beautiful janky.

Most likely to be used all up:  First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream

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This is my daily face cream. First saying that makes me feel like I am from the 1950s and I really should stop entertaining these ideas of “writing” and get back to making that roast before the provider comes home. I really love this cream and it is reasonably priced (smaller version is $12 and lasts about 2-3 months). The jar is pretty fuckable too. If that is your thing guys with dicks. So moisturizing: 9, fuckability a solid 7.

Most likely to never be worn but I can’t throw it away: Jack +Lucy Pom Pom hat

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It is so fucking huge. I have to wear it like a slouchie hat but I do love it. I live in Southern California so instances where I need to wear it are few but I will love it forever until I realize that I don’t need it and give it away. So lets give this hat 4 months. This could be the key to starting my new indie band “Gravity and the gumdrops of creation”. My craigslist add would be: Seeing bandmates for new indie band. You play guitar, drums, keyboard, and/or bass. Also need a singer. I girl who has a really cool hat and band name. Lets soar!” Fuckability 2: It is wool but soft so if you lubed it up it could work.

Most likely to be Given Away 2 seconds after opening the box: Nature Valley Protein Granola

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I don’t like peanut butter. This is not my bag of granola. Also I don’t know what to do with granola. I don’t like yogurt that much and I don’t want to eat it by itself. I could have kept it to throw at clowns. Lick it a bit and hope it sticks on the face paint and in their hair. I should have made that my new year’s resolution: torture more clowns. At least 50% more than last year. Fuckability: 0 unless you like it rough you sick fuck.

Most likely to be used for not its intended purpose: Manduka  eQua Hand Towel 

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I think this is for when you yoga sweat and need to wipe it off so you don’t slide on the mat and slip and slide your way to the girl in front of you doing downward facing dog. Also giving it a fancy title is really not hiding your doggie style pose. I will probably use the towel for cleaning my face. I might use it when I eventually go to the gym (hahahaha). It is soft as fuck. So I give it a fuckability of 5.

Most likely to be useful after a night of drinking: ToGoSpa Eyes

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I have been focused on creams and ointments to fix my face. Not that it needed fixing, I am just that vain. I do have a category of things for my eyes and will eventually get them for my face as a whole, for fixes when I don’t sleep a lot and/or are hungover. The hungover doesn’t happen a lot but it is still something I need to plan for. Either I am the baller of the ballers or just a sad monkey in a police uniform. You decide.
Fuckability: 0. Seriously if you can wrap it around your penis, get a new penis and also NO.

Most likely to be worn once and then realize nope: Skin Jewel Tattoos Empire

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Ahh these are the cross promotion with the new show Empire. I don’t fully understand. I get that they are cold but they are that fake tribal kind of design that white girls wear to Coachella. Well this white girl will try them for dates or other fun nights out. I have a feeling I will find them too complicated to get around my wrist that I will give up and never use them again. I could be corrected by the magic of gold. Gold is better.
Fuckability: O but it could enhance fuckability. I wouldn’t put it on your junk but maybe above it as away of saying- I love Perfume Genius too babe now come sit right here.

Most likely to be used for work: KeepCup Brew 12-Ounce Reusable Coffee Cup

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I need to say something: I know this is to combat the Starbucks,etc paper cups but before Starbucks and the like all coffee cups were reusable. I have a whole shelf of “reusable” coffee cups. This is the stupidest term ever for this. Like for serious. I love the cup, btw. It is a bit small but really good for tea when I am at work. I give it aces plus.

Fuckabliity 10: if you are a sex Macguyver and can add some sponges, lube, saran wrap and rubber bands. It would be such the perfect size for your own fleshlight. Pro there is a rubber grip handle.