For the last two years hubbie and I have been trying to have a baby. Well not trying too hard. We mostly have been just having sex without condoms or any type of birth control. About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Which means that my hormones are all out of whack and my ovaries might look like swiss cheese. I have stopped getting my periods a while ago and they sometimes come along but mostly stay dormant. I thought yay awesome but knew when it came time to baby making it would be a problem and it has been.
The doctor put me on Metformin which is a drug that is usually prescribed to people with borderline diabetes but for some reason it helps with PCOS. And it did. I was getting periods on a regular basis. However I sucked at remembering to take them and the side effects were so meh that I often forgot to take them. So I have been lapse on medication for a year.
Since the baby making trying and the lapse on my meds my 30th birthday has come and gone. I had serious baby want. Really bad. Everytime I saw pregnant women I was on the verge of tears. Anywhere that had an abundance of babies made me sad. I was crying most days. I got better over time and after my 30th birthday came and went I realized my goal of having babies by the time I was 30 was arbitrary. Life doesn’t always go how you planned it.
I am also not 100 percent sure I want to have kids. I know I could take care of a child and enjoy it. I have figured that out since having Cinnamon. I see my friends and Daniel’s cousin have babies and know that any kid I have won’t be in the same age range to play with them and it hurts. I know I could be better to my body and maybe be able to have child but I also know that even if I did everything right I would still probably not have a child. It is a hard thing to figure out. Will I regret never having a kid? Or will I live a happy life without children? If I wait two years will it be too late for me to try?
I have decided to take a year or two to have fun with my hubbie and friends. Take this time to be healthier and take the meds the doctor feels is best for me. I need to treat myself well before I can take care of a child. Hopefully I will be more clear on what I want to do before it is too late.