To distract myself, I saw three movies this weekend. To be kind of cliché, but very appropriate, we will call them the Good, the bad(ish), and the Ugly. However I am going to review them in reverse order because it is no fun to leave you with a shitty movie.
The Ugly: Alvin and the Chipmunks- Chipwrecked
I knew what I was getting into when I rented this (yes I paid money for it, shush). About two minutes in when they had squirted tanning oil on the deck of a ship and were sliding around and David slipped and fell, I was done. But you know what internet? I am not a quitter. Well sometimes I am— Knight and Day was atrocious and I am growing an intense-undefinable annoyance at Tom Cruise. Back to the ‘Munks. I know this movie is for children and not for me, however it is really sad to see a movie that no one obviously cared about making. The CGI was misaligned, singing was meh, script was mostly pulled from the meme of the day, and the actors looked like they were in some sort of prison and this was their talent show. If you have kids and they aren’t requesting to see movies like this, I implore you to see out better choices. If you are an adult without children, don’t. It isn’t even fun for a joke.
The Bad(ish): Contagion
For a second I hoped Magic Mike was a prequel to this movie. Sadly not. Still there was a lot of sweat and bed action. I didn’t appreciate the intent to make a movie look all dirty filtered and people unmakeup-ed to sell the point. We get it there is a horrible virus on the loose, people are dying. The coughing really sells it alone. Also the people dying. Oh and the gruesome head autopsy. Trying to make Gwyenth Paltrow look gross doesn’t do much to make me care. Oh speaking of known actors– I have no idea why this is the Valentine’s Day/New Years Eve of outbreak movies. . Having all of those stars cameo makes your point (if there is one) seem silly. Also because of the clutter you are forced to quickly go back and forth between people. Cardboard outlines of characters that I am supposed to feel for but don’t. The ending just snuck up on me. I don’t know what I expected but something more and not so rushed. Ultimately it is fairly interesting and enjoyable. I happened upon it on HBO. If you encounter it in the same way, watch it.
The Good: Dark Knight Rises (no spoilers-promisez)
This movie is as fierce as Catwoman’s boots (message me for my home address if you want to gift me some boots). It is dark and brutal. The way the third movie of a trilogy should be. Bane is a perfect villain for this stage of Batman. A broken beaten hero(?) who needs that Big Bad to energize and help him make it to an end. I found the acting (especially Joseph Gordon-Levitt) phenomenal. For me it was a fun, visually mesmerizing, movie. There were some flaws I noticed but I was able to forget them for the spirit of the movie. In the end it was something that excited me so much I wanted to see again.