Sometimes when I try to write a story it just ends up being a conversation between two people. Really it is just fake conversation I have with the voices in my head. So you may get actual stories from me or things like this.
Tom: So happy you are here. This is my specialty. The shrimp is glazed with my special concoction and the potatoes my special seasoning. I just realized how that sounds.
T: I call it the shrimpifixion. I lay them out on criss-crossed cedar planks to get even coverage.
R: Shouldn’t we be having red wine then?
R: For the shrimpifixion.
T: Shrimp don’t bleed.
R: That sounds like a Pixies song.
T: Almost. They kicked it to the curb for Monkey Gone to Heaven.
R: One animal per album.
T: Yes. This is before indie bands let all the animals out at the zoo.
R: You would think Animal Collective would reign that shit in.
T: No. They are like other collectives. Lots of animals smoking pot and saying they are green.
R: Then the zebras get all pissy and walk away?
T: Of course zebras are uppity bitches. It is a well known fact.
R: And hippos are insanely hungry that is why they are fat.
T: It is a thyroid condition and marble addiction. Very serious.
R: You get fat from eating marbles? Oh, that explains my brother.
T: Marble addiction?
R: He ate a few. And crayons and paste.
T: Doctor now?
R: No garbage collector.
T: So he knew at an early age.
R: Yessum. so seriously You don’t think it is strange to eat shrimp laid out this way?”
T: Why? Do you believe?
R: Not really but it is a bit in yo face
T: We are atoning for our shrimp sins
R: what exactly are shrimp sins
T: tiny ones. Stealing nuts from the bulk bin, fingering in the library
R: Fingering in the library? Adultery?
T: No disobeying posted signs “shhhhhhhhh
R: that is a commandment
T: it should be.
R: 5 man electrical band would have no career. Also I would post signs that say: “Give Rosie 5 dollars”
T: You can’t have signs for your own personal gain. It is like those witches.
R: The charmed ones? I can’t believe you know them.
T: I’ve had other girls. I can’t believe you know their name.
R: I’ve had a vagina
T: Had? Is there something you forgot to mention? If so, that needs to be a new commandment.
R: Nope it is still there
T: Can I check too?
R: Like fingering in the library
T: Except you can be as loud as you want here. My mother can’t hear anything when she takes the aids out.
R: So you no longer have AIDS but you also no longer have hearing. That is a great “would you rather?”
T: I would definitely take AIDS plus. Meds will keep me in check and I can toll support groups for tail. And I can still hear. WIN WIN WIN
R: I would choose loss of hearing. If it is good for Helen Keller, it is good for me. I might score a puppy.