The Spy Who Reviewed Me: Live and Let Die

I randomly chose this one from the set of Bonds I pulled from my collection. Luckily it was Roger Moore’s first movie as Bond, so we will count this as completely intentional. I particularly like Roger Moore as Bond and I can’t fully explain why. His films are generally the campiest of them all . This one is definitely no exception.

At first I wanted to say this is the most racist Bond movie ever, and it may be. However, realizing it came out in 1973, it is probably trying to follow the Blaxploitation films of the time. Though except for the actors, I don’t think any other black people were involved in the making of this movie.
My general observations are as follows;

  • The Representative from Honduras looks like the brown Colonel Sanders.
  • Want the voodoo guys horse headdress thing but not the poison snake. I hope they aren’t a set.
  • Bond used his magnetic watch to unzip a girls dress.- A) classy as fuck B) note to self- see if Q will give me a watch
  • Car chase/racing scenes in the 70s seem so much more bad ass than any other car chases. I know I haven’t seen any Fast and the Furious movies but I really don”t think they beat these 70s car action scenes.
  • “Give me a make on a white pimpmobile” – one of the best lines ever.
  • The fact that they found the guy from that line is even better. That in NYC that is the only pimpmobile. How do you search that in the DMV? This is before CSI people, remember.
  • OH Cult Voodoo shop- this is the point in the movie when I predicted a scene eating fried chicken. I was wrong (Thank Jesus?)
  • I think Bond is talking to the Tarot girl not because she is a hot piece of ass but because she is the only other white person in the room.
  • “Got a honky on your tail” – one of my other favorite lines
  • Eeew, snake again. You need to quit that shit now movie.
  • This is the bungalow of death.
  • “I am sure I will be able to lick you into shape” I love you Bond for your Cunning linguistics.
  • The henchman’s name is TeeHee- I know he will probs die but until then he is my deepest boo.
  • Did I mention that my boo also has a claw hand? This makes him the hit at all of our bbqs.
    Sally: “I need a can opened”
    Me: “boo, can you help Sally open this can?”
    TeeHee: Crunch
    Me: “You are the bestest boo ever”
  • Heroin? Fun times but seriously I want blocking out the sun, destroying space, poisoning the water everywhere. Creating a Bunny Colvin-like heroin city is just tiring.
  • Strutter’s dead baby, Strutter’s dead. Run Strutter Run (take your pick of quote)
  • I want the shiny rainbow dress

    Me wants this dress!
  • Ooh fancy face mask/peel reveal. He is two black dudes for 1.
  •  And two face (without the fucking vat) just bitch slapped Jane Seymour
  • My boo Tee Hee lost his arm, Amos Moses style. He truly is my Henchman soulmate
  • Bond just Froggered on those Crocs and Gators. (The game not a sex term you perv. I would suggest not searching it on Urban Dictionary)
  • My cat, cinnamon the thug, just heard a police siren in this move. She looked up startled. I reassured her they weren’t coming after her and she laid her head back down.
  • The police failed Blockade 101
  • You just destroyed a wedding cake Bond. I will now cry.
  • Not the snake trunk. That is the worst tickle trunk ever.
  • FYI snakes are not magnetic, Bond
  • I still want that horse headdress thing (that isn’t racist right?)
  • Oh it is a goat thing (still cool right?)
  • That man was just inflated and exploded. Holy helium batman

Overall this movie was meh upon meh upon meh for me. The only things that made this movie worth watching was TeeHee (my boo!!!) and Jane Seymour’s amazing clevage. Like this cleavage is seriously amazing.

Lets talk about the amount of damage that Bond incurs in all of these “adventures”. I am not talking about when he destroys evil island but more when he destroys someone’s wedding. Or makes 5 cars crash at high rates of speed probably killing lots of innocent people.  I would really like to see the movie where it is just Bond having to fill out the paperwork for all of these incidents. Having to do paperwork for each person he killed knowing or unknowingly.  And if someone could find out the total cost of the damage he has incurred overtime I would like to know that too. I suspect it is in the billions.

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