Vivi Tells You What to Listen to, Pt 33 (Christmastime!)

Christmas is near. So are other holidays but I don’t want to misspell them and spell check is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. I think that even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, these songs are fun. Hopefully most of the  songs you don’t know and you learn new and awesome things. Or if you do you can just have a whole list of nodding your head approvingly.

The next Junk’s Trunk will also be Christmas music. So hopefully, after that, it will be out of my system and we can return to regularly scheduled programming.

So gather around the yule log with some nog and hog and listen to the warmth filling your ears.

Dashing Through the Duets

1. Aimee Mann and Michael Penn – Christmastime

Aimee Mann is my new favorite girl. Add her to the shelf!!!  Seriously I love her latest album so so much. And Michael Penn has one of my favorite voices ever and songs (Long Way Down). So both together, doing a holiday song. Amazing. I think they were together. Sorry my Wikifinger is brokeded. Either way this song is beautiful and something that needs to be up there with Deck the Halls. Well maybe not that one. I couldn’t give a fuck about that one. Lets go with Winter Wonderland. That is a good song. And you know what? So is this.

2. Florence Welch and Billy Bragg- Fairytale of New York

So this is a song originally done by the Pogues (?). I know you all find it so endearing how I do thorough research for all of this stuff. If you love this part of me, you will also love me on Junk’s Trunk. I am all about having all the needed background for all songs and topics. Either way this has that Irishy feel but without the unnecessary groin kicking dance. And it is Florence and Billy Bragg. You are all just gushing with juices from all your yummy spots. Good. Plus it is super happy and loving. You will be calling your lovers scumbags by the end of the night. Over the nog that has just a bit too much bourbon. I am seriously tearing up because this is moving me so much. Listen now.

Tinsel Teens Then and Now

3. New Kids on the Block- This One’s For the Children

When I was a wee little Vivi (sorry the Irish stuck a bit. It is hard to get them off of you) I loved the greatest band in the world, New Kids on the Block. And they made a Christmas album (as you do) and decided to use their popularity to write a “very serious message” song. They did a song about starving helpless children/people. So yes the song is cheesy but at least they aren’t claiming it is sad because African people don’t know about Santa (I am looking at you Band Aid).  So show the children and this song some love. You hear Joey’s voice and it is magical unicorn kisses (damn Irish). And awesome 90s clothing choices.

4. Justin Bieber – Mistletoe

Many years later. The Children are fed I guess because it is more important to stand underneath a plant and wait to kiss a girl. Because that isn’t creepy at all. You are missing family dinners waiting under the bushes for a girl. Or maybe you are just making out with your shawty under the mistletoe which means your shawty has a mistletoe fetish or you don’t know how to take things to the couch. And yes the wise men finding Jesus in the desert is just like you kissing your girl under the magical bush. Both myths! boom snap. POWNED JUSTIN. I win.  Also this song is insanely catchy. You will hate it and then love it, Like I do. So just accept your fate now.

Ha Ha Ho Ho

5. Tim and Eric Awesome Show- What Am I Gonna Get?

If you don’t celebrate Christmas, maybe you celebrate Crimbus. And if so , do I have a song for you. If not you will learn a bit about Crimbus with a joyful song and wonderful dancing. Who doesn’t love glitter nipples and tinsel arm pit hair. Don’t forget to keep your bush trimmed and wet.

6. Jon Lajoie- The Best Christmas Song

I can’t really describe the magnitude of epicness this song contains. You really need to hear it before Angels make all the Jesus. It is hilarious and the best Christmas song. Go go now. He hates mittens for some reason. Also he is Canadian so shush about it being some thinly veiled political attempt.


7. Tori Amos- Holly, Ivy, and Rose

My original girl!!! In the prime place on the Vivi shelf. Her “Christmas” album is called Midwinter Graces and most of the songs aren’t super holidayish. Listen All year!! This is my favorite on the album and a live performance. Enjoy in the amazing of the song.  Plus strings!!

8. Tori Amos- Jeanette, Isabella

More live Tori. This one is more on the theme talking about Christ and all. Still a solid song regardless. This live video has a super gorgeous Tori. Get on it now.

Barnyard Ballads

9. DMX- Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer

Classic song done by DMX. He really didn’t change anything but made it so awesome DMX. It will make you smile and if it doesn’t you are dead to me and really to yourself. I really feel like you want to live a bit longer. DMX-Mas

10. Gloria Peevy- I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas

Favorite animal themed Christmas song. You may know it and if you do listen anyway. This song is so cute and catchy. Creeping down the stairs to hear this song. And hippos are heroes. Not the vicious murders we all hear they are. Or is that Rhinos? (Wikifinger still down for service). She will massage a hippo. That is some dedication. Most people won’t massage their lovers. Are you better than a child? You know you are, you know what to do.

Naughty Nog

11. Candy Kayne and Country Dick Montana- Let’s Put The X Back in Christmas

Two people who are known here in San Diego. Country Dick was a member of the Beat Farmers before he passed away. The voices are so great. And the song is fun and a fun song. You know you want your SO in a cute little sexy Santa outfit.  Under the mistletoe (sorry to get that song in your head again) take your  partner. Move them over to the couch or anywhere. Who doesn’t love finding friends Christmas Sex tapes? Its those twinkling lights that really makes the ass sweat shine.

12. The Vandals – Christmas Time For My Penis

This is a moving ballad full of puns. But who cares it is about penises and most of the world is yay penis. Really this song is more about showing the parts of your body that you love the most, how much they have done for you throughout the year. Sometimes you just need to lend a hand.

Singing in the New Year

13. Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt- What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

My favorite non-couple. They are so cute together. I am bursting. This version of the song is so adorable. All adorkable girls assemble and wear cute tiaras and flouncy dresses for NYE this year. Toss asunder the ho-outfits and put on the periwinkle and sage dresses. Eeek so cute pandas feel shamed.


14. Zach Braff and Donald Faison – Baby Its Cold Outside

I can’t believe I forgot this. But my favorite bromance (the original if I do say so) sang this song. It is swanky, great with humor. Listen listen pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.


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