The world is ending tomorrow, today, Saturday (not sure how the Mayan calendar worked). Even if the world doesn’t end, an end-of-the-world playlist is a good idea. This is a strange collection of songs but I promise they all make sense. Lets start our journey-
From the past 34 posts you probably know my extreme love for clapping. This song uses the clap in a good way (I am looking at you gonorrhea!!). I love the singing, the beat. It is also dark the world is coming to end. That is dark right? I hope it isn’t a super sunny day. Plus if this world is ending by some predicted thing then I think it deserves the clapping. Seriously. Weathermen can’t let me know when it will rain or be cold all of the time. But you know when the world is going to end. You sir (or madam), deserve a good old round of applause. Good show.
So probably when the world is about to end, you are bargaining Whether with that special someone you always wanted to go to the bone zone with or God to protect you from the avenging aardvarks trying to kill you. This is a great song for that. You would think this is the time for no Drama but really you can handle anything anyone throws at you. You only have to deal with it until that aardvark army kills them. And you know how to lure the army (cheerios) to kill your enemies first.
Maybe you never learned how to play guitar. Maybe you do know how to play and you are a singer in a rock and/or roll band. Now is the time to rock as hard as you want to (real or x-box). Jam out with all of your friends. Take your shirt off and destroy a hotel room (make sure that the world is surely ending first). This song is a great song to listen to when you are making that final list of things you want to do before the aardvarks or sky whales conquer us all.
Maybe you should have read the bible or whatever book predicted this horrific scene of sunshine violence. Anyways this is not the time to read (unless it is on your list and if so, get a better list. I am crossing off read a book and replacing it with fuck a hobo. Better. Get to it slappy). This song will help to explain what happens when you die. Maybe not. Maybe I should listen to the song clearer but you know what. There is no time do do that. The song is fun and not too long. You have four minutes.
I did use the Social Distortion version of this in a prior list but now is the time for some Johnny Cash. Also the time to start drinking. Open that bottle of whiskey and get going (classes and soda are for aardvark bait). Maybe you done some bad things in your life and you know you will soon be feeling warm once that whale swallows you whole. What better appropriate way to go than to hear Johnny tell you about your new adventure?
Sleep is for the weak. You can sleep when you are dead (which is probably in 3 hours depending on the speed of the mongoose militia that joined in. They kills snakes you know!) Lionel knows this. Yes you could be Dancing on the Ceiling but lets not get too fancy (unless it is on your list). Slap this song on and learn to fiesta forever (hopefully in the pretty air-conditioned area). I really wanna conga into that whale’s gaping maw.
You are correct that there is no REM on here. That song is great but really the cliche song. You are beyond cliche, you are thunderdome. What song is better thunderdome than this one by Miss Spears? Put on your skankiest thunderdome outfit, start dancing as if you life depended on it (it does. The mongoose/mongeese? spare you if you dance to dance crack pop songs). The dome is waiting for you and you don’t want to miss what is considered the party that will end the world.
I will not blame Timberlake for this horrific landscape that is set before me. Yes he didn’t record another album like it was foretold (see Vivi Chronicle) but going against fate doesn’t end the world. Right? Since you are safely in the thunderdome of dance, lets get this jam going. Whatever. Just dance. Dance for me. All pretty and slow and good-like. K I just got creepy there. This song is a great dance song and do what you want with it. I won’t watch if you don’t want me to. Promise.
This is the song you dance like a spaz to. Well this is the one I dance like a spaz too. Yes it is too late to learn a new language. Just imagine they are singing about puppies and kittens. They are totally not singing the secrets on how to defeat the whales, mongeese, aardvarks and now cow corps. The French regret nothing. Just keep dancing. The dome will protect you (for now).
The world is ending, this song needs to be heard. Preferably on repeat for at least an hour. Slow down the spaz dancing to this hot fresh song. Switch to coke and rum. Enjoy those last moments before your sweet life is taken by the falling sky, army of animals wanting to nibble on those cute little toesies. Bounce Bounce (seriously it distracts them for a bit so you can run away)
This is the song that needs to play when the world is in its the last final moments. Everyone wants a rocking, upbeat song but this song has a quiet cruelty to it. Like Dr Strangelove, these moments of world-wide destruction are best served with sweet simple songs. Maybe full of love and happy. This bittersweet feeling that fills your heart and soul as you are finally swallowed by the sky whale or trampled by the cow corps.