For Christmas my own personal Topo Gigio ( thank you Santa Clause!) gifted me a Wii. I have now become a cute gamer full of yarn and of Kirby. What is Kirby btw? Is he related to Jigglypuff? Why does he eat people to absorb their powers? So many unanswered questions that I will discover in my spiral into the world of cute gaming. As you recall I dabbled in the Borderlands. While the psychos are cute, they are fucking psycho and scare me a bit. Now I have a pretty machine that tells me all about the land of colors, lights, sounds, and mushroom people. I will quickly give you some of my impressions of the games I have played so far on my Wii that is named Fancy Carl:
Kirby’s Epic Yarn
My SIL and I finished this game. For me this is a huge accomplishment. I can count all the other games I have finished on three fingers (Puyo Pop, Kid Icarus, Final Fantasy X). Yes this game is probably more for children than for me. But it is so cute!!!!!!!! An evil creature that knits evil!! Kirby eats tomatoes and cake without any concern for the rest of the world. Patchland needs to be sewn together. Who else will step up to save these worlds if I don’t?
Super Smash Brawl
Link and Zelda can take their aggression to Luigi’s Mansion. That is the most awkward dinner party. Poor stupid, useless Luigi invites the couple (are they a couple? Is he of age?) over for dinner and they not only get into a fight, they destroy the place with electric arrows. Luigi knows not to invite Bowser and Mario over at the same time. Sometimes some other arrow boy named Pit shows up. And everyone destroys the place. The majority of Luigi’s coin gathering is used for house repairs.
Super Mario Brothers 3
Classic. Still not sure how raccoons can fly, yet they can and those flying things get me extra coinage. Which is like better than gold because 100 coins and I get an extra life. 100 pieces of gold and I just have 100 pieces of gold. And who takes gold except those shady old white men on TV?
Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7
You get to be a block-headed wizard. I don’t know what else there is to be in this world. Plus eventually I get to kill Lego Voldemort and I want to see him shatter into itty bitty lego bits. You do spells and puzzles. I get to speak parseltongue just like god intended. Same play style if you have done other Lego games, but with wizards and cats!!! And you get to use your wand to move children out of the way. Even though it seems that it is one of the Unforgivable Curses, it is totes cool. Trust me.
It is winter and so the carnival is closed. Unless you live in an area with warmth or carnies with fur instead of lizard skin. Regardless you can be at a carnival without the carnie stank and kettle corn. Actually buy some kettle corn now. I’ll wait. Now you have your KC lets play some games. Shoot water into a clown’s mouth, test your strength, race horses, throw balls into cups. All of your favorites. Did I forget to mention how you use the Wiimote most of the time is the classic hand job action? You test your strength and your HJ skills. Slainte!
It is in Japanese. Luckily I know how to play this gem but the snark is all gone until I learn Japanese. I am actually going to Italy later this year and I have failed at learning that language. I am not sure I will learn one just for snark. Can I speak Japanese in Italy? If so then two birds, one cup. Tetris like awesome game. Still super fun and kind of mindless. And a bit Tetris-like stress. Its colorful!! The Japanese get all the good games.
Super Mario Galaxy
Also helps your HJ skills. Not good if you have vertigo. The strangest gameplay I have ever encountered but I love the honesty of the mushroom people (panic and fear!!). I have to rescue the damn princess again (someone needs to get her a condo or a dungeon to live in). But I get to explore planets with no need for a space suit. Somehow Mario’s head is so huge it works in space. That is all I got.
Just Dance 3
I have no rhythm and yet I love this game. You really can just play this game with arm movements but don’t be a lazy bum. K? The only song I did really good in is Party Rock Anthem. I say that is crazy awesome. I am picking up since they broke up. It also has Let’s Go to the Mall. It has robots and jean jackets. I am writing short sentences. Like this one. And this. Dance!