So you wanna fight Batman

Musings

Inspired by my asking the eternal question: would you still love me if I fell into a vat of acid?  I came up with guides on how to become a Batman Villain.

Bane:  1. Get a kick-ass jacket (its chilly) 2. get beat up by hole people 3. mushmouth 4. RECKON

Joker: 1. Get pencil 2. Fuck up your face 3. Invest in Sephora 4. PROFIT

Two-Face: 1. Get coin 2. Fall into a vat of acid 3. PROFIT

Poison Ivy: 1. Be environmental hipster 2. Go way too far 3. dress like sexy slutty Eve 4. SULTRY PROFIT

Mr. Freeze: 1. SCIENCE 2. Go crazy with the freeze gel during happy fun time with wife 3. BORDERLINE NECROPHILIA

Penguin: 1. Get long fancy ciggy, monocle and top hat 2. Angry because you are called a stinky filthy flightless bird 3. nothing because you are really useless

Scarecrow:  1. find old burlap sack at the Mumford and Sons concert 2. be hot 3. be CRAZY HOT  4. ASSISTANT RECKONER

Riddler: 1. ransack the elementary school for question marks 2. paste those babies all over your green spandex body 3. make stupid jokes that are encased in confusion 4. NOTHING you suck

Catwoman: 1. sexy outfit 2. necessity 3. be the only one to rub up on bats without drugging him (LOOKING AT YOU PI) 4. PROFIT (because of jewels and other stuff)

Harley Quinn: 1. Get Crazy 2. Follow Crazy 3. Be Awesome 4. FUN AND PROFIT

 

 

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