Oscars!! Did I study enough?

In my cramming for the Oscars segment I wasn’t able to watch all the movies I wanted. There will be a post-Oscars documentary article and one hopefully about a couple of other Oscar nominated movies.
The Oscars I always say are my “Super Bowl” so I watch actively every year. Here are some of my comments.

  • Ooh themed filled Oscars. Can’t wait till they run out of themes and they end up with “Space Togas”
  • Seth McFarlane is looking good and super awkward. He looked awkward all night like he didn’t want to deliver any of the jokes. Maybe get someone with some chemistry to sell these jokes rather than just cold read them.
  • It isn’t a big night for foreign films when only ONE film jumped the foreign category.
  • Daniel Day Lewis is doing a Morrissey biopic next? or do all British people end up that way
  • I love the “we saw your boobs” song I think just because it is catchy. CORRECTION – one of the funniest bits of the night.
  • Funniest bit was Flight done with sock puppets. If the whole movie was like that, I would have seen it.
  • Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Daniel Radcliffe trying to woo me in. I see what you did there.
  • Yayayyay Christoph Waltz!!! He deserved it from those actors. I have a feeling this will be the only time I say this.
  • Sally Field should have tied your tie, Quentin Tarantino or wear a clip on tie. I hear rumors he is on coke. I am not trying to judge at all but isn’t he too chubby for a coke habit?
  • I think Nicholson is taking a long winters nap. Oh no he woke. I am sad for the days where he is sitting in the front row and we are wondering if he is alive or dead.
  • Boo Brave but you wore a kilt to accept the award. I will allow it for the committment.
  • Awkward Avengers. No Scarlett. Is she banned for being hot?
  • The guy who won for Cinematography for Life of Pi looked like my crazy cousin for a second.
  • Seriously Life of Pi beat out the Hobbit for Visual Effects?  CGI zoo vs Goblins, elves, trolls. My hatred for this movie grows every minute.
  • Land Shark! They should do rude cut off music all the times.
  • Way to go Les Mis for make-up and hair. You cut a girls hair and smudged some dirt on her face.  That is just the same as having to do a babillion dwarves.
  • Just realize Bond and Doctor Who are both 50 years old. hmmmm
  • Fix the prompter, it is hard for people to read.
  • AMOUR!!!! Yaya for winning best Foreign Language film.  It was pretty much set since you were nominate for best picture. I saw the FL winner!!! That is the most important thing in all of this. REMEMBER
  • The orchestra has been performing live (ooooh) but you couldn’t afford to dig a pit in the theater for them? I mean the most basic serial killers can afford a pit, you are the Oscars. Seriously
  • John Travolta has a mush mouth and said the first part of Les Miserables all frenchy then pronounced a hard “s”. Sigh.
  • Catherine Zeta Jones your voice is so weak. Oh what a studio can do.
  • Jennifer Hudson’s boobs should get something. ….. My face inbetween them!!!
  • I don’t understand the purpose of singing full songs that aren’t relevant to this year’s Oscars.
  • I think Nicholson stood up not to ovate, but to clear the wedgie.
  • Jackman is singing good but his jacket is more awesome.
  • Nerd comment: Anne Hathaway shouldn’t be singing this song, her character was dead.
  • Eeek hot revoultionary!!! I now recognize him from Gossip Girl.
  • I want Marius and hot revoultionary to have sex.
  • Epionine was the best part of that musical number. (threeway?)
  • All these awards with people who we honestly don’t care about their speeches have epic blond manes. It is like they were all put in a room and Fabio waved some sort of wand on them.
  • Sound of Music joke for no apparent reason. It really wasn’t a joke just copying the musical. THough happy because now Andreaboo understands this joke.
  • Anne Hathaway won. Quell surprise. Please don’t be shocked. Breathe
  • Her husband is the poor man’s ryan gosling.
  • You need to get your eyebrows to move Nicole Kidman because  right now you are scaring the fuck out of me with your stare. Now I just imagined them staring at you having sex. Eeew blow jobs in the dark from her.
  • Someone should have put 50 brushes in Kristen Stewart’s gift bag.
  • Barbara Streisand has some fucking claws. I hope someone tries to step to her later and she is all Life of Pie tiger on them.
  • I hate the song she sang (memories?) but she sang it beautifully. Powerful and no need to shout (looking at you J. Huds)
  • Life of Pi won for musical score. Seriously?  Also stories like that don’t need to be told. It was a fake story that made you feel robbed.
  • Can we go back to hearing all of the Oscar nominated songs being performed? Only doing three of them is kind of a fuck you to the other two. Yes we all know Adele will win but at least give these songs a chance to shine.
  • I tear up when I see clips from Life of Pi. I am now convinced the movie has a hidden Weeping Angel and I will eventually turn to stone. No other explanation.
  • Best cameo: Hallie Berry side boob
  • Argo won for adapted screenplay!!! I approve.  Thugcat is licking her vagina when it was announced. You can take that for what its worth.
  • Tarantino won!  A bit sad Moonrise Kingdom didn’t win but QT deserved it. And his speech was grateful and sweet.
  • Directing: already pissed at Obvious omissions (Bigelow, Affleck, QT). Don’t piss me off more. Ang Lee. Fuck you. You seem like a nice guy but your movie made me angry. Like the Hulk. Do you remember him?  I know you want to forget the Hulk but there you go. VIVISMASH
  • Ang Lee’s wife should have won a being fucking awesome award. I love her to pieces. If you give your Oscar to her, I will not be so smashy
  • Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence. 1st. Sorry you fell. 2nd you were fine girl but Riva and Chastain were so much better than you this year.
  • Another disappointment in 3, 2, 1
  • Daniel Day Lewis expected. I heard he was angling for it. He was fine but he has 2 Oscars. Do you really need a third?
  •  “I don’t know how this happened?” You campaigned for it.
  • Best Picture: lets not disappoint me.  Jack Nicholson is a bad ass , btw. ARGO won. yayay?

I am overall happy that Argo won for best picture. I have a feeling that if Affleck was nominated for director and won that, Argo wouldn’t have won for BP.  In the end it is good people winning this award  for a movie that was good, so I am okay with it. I wish Zero Dark Thirty won or Django Unchained or Amour. Just mostly relieve that Life of Pi didn’t win. It needs to get buried in a pit. 

While I am happy that this year I had seen most of the movies that were nominated, I still found myself with apathy in some categories. I resigned myself that the movies I cared about wouldn’t win anything substantial. So it ended up becoming a war against me and Life of Pi. I feel in the end, I won this war.  Honestly people, I will fight you to the death if you try to challenge me on the merits of this movie. K done. 

Best image of the night
Best image of the night

 

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