Vivi Tells You What to Listen To, pt 42

So the world has told me, 42 is the meaning of life or something. I am still in  chapter 2 of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and my progression with that book is a bit rocky. I do know that I need a towel (asciugamano) for some ungodly reason. I like quirky tings but can’t I just have something else like a spoon. Many things can substitute for a towel but not many for a spoon.  I have decided to focus on songs that have the word “Life” in the title. Upon my exhaustive research (typing “life” into Spotify) I found there are a many horrible songs that use this word.

I guess you can say my use of “horrible” is subjective or whatever but you can “whatever” yourself. Maybe I don’t like fun or sunshine. I think I am awesome and so I am going to tell you (in pairs!) which song to NOT listen to, and what to listen to instead.

Don’t Listen:

Foo Fighters- All My Life

Confession time. I don’t hate the Foo as much as I say. Their songs are fun. I think I hate (or dislike) that EVERYONE wants to love them so much. You all want to hop on to the Fighting Foo train and at one point there can’t be any more room. Yes I know I am hipstering this argument but they have okay songs, not great ones. Yes I like Dave Grohl; just not here.  Plus what is so wrong with Foo?  I have never been harmed by it or seen anyone who has. So PRO FOO FOREVER.


K-Ci & JoJo – All My Life

Really the choice between these two songs comes down to this: do you want to rock out with the mild bob of your head and a sad Bic that is empty of fire or do you want to make love? Sweet long precious love. Deep licks and touches. Sharp suits and white scarves type of love? Because this is some sweet sweet babymaking music.  Go ahead and furiously try to get that Bic to make one last flame.  I will be over here pouring some wine in the dark and listening to some sweet 90s R&B jams.

Don’t Listen:

Third-Eye Blind – Semi-Charmed Life

What is the point of having a third-eye if it is blind?  At least a superfluous third nipple is fun and good for parties.  Yes this contributes to my seemingly irrational (but totally valid) hatred of groups with Three/Third/Thrice in their name. This song is completely boring. It has the premise of fun but really there is nothing there. Nothing. It is just words and music going blah blah. The best part of this song is them saying good-bye.


Ke$ha – Crazy Beautiful Life

From the YouTube comments of  Semi-Charmed Life, it was about drugs. Don’t do them. Smokey the bear says so. I think he also hates fire. He is a sashimi fan. This song, however,  is more exciting and pure joy. You are getting high on life. It is in the song!!! No this isn’t a PSA. You do what you want to do. Choose this as a  better way to soundtrack your life.  It has more heart than that mess above which  supposedly is a response to “Walk on the Wild Side” Shut your mouth. You know what is a response to “Walk on the Wild Side”?  This

Don’t Listen:

Tom Cochrane- Life Is A Highway

This is the type of song that wears you down to like it. Maybe it played when you kissed someone or it accidentally came on at the start of a road trip.  Don’t be a slave to this song. Break free.  OMG this song is also in all the commercials. It isn’t about fun. Or awesome. It is about bland boring nothing. The best part of this song is  the YouTube comment fights  about which version (TC or Rascal Flatts) is better. I honestly can’t tell the difference. And is this song about having sex all of the time or just living life because it is a road? How is this a valid reason for anything. Yes life exists so lets just do stuff. Okay sure dude. You are so inspiring. I bet Ghandi wishes he had heard you first. He would have been able to have those nachos.


David Bowie- Life on Mars?

Why shouldn’t we find out if there is Life on Mars instead? Since we solved the mysteries of life (towels, 42, highways) why not see if Mars is the same? Maybe on Mars life is an interstate or creepy road with Martian hillbillies. I may have done this song already but it is worth being on every list. I can fit it into every topic. It is a prefect song.

Don’t Listen:

Green Day- Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)

Yes at one point I liked this song too. But it is 16 years later and we need to move on. Isn’t there another goodbye, we learned a lot but will never be friends again song? I am hearing it now and I am still done with it. See after it being over played 16 years ago, I still don’t want to hear it.  Write something new. Anyone? And for all that is holy don’t play this song when there are explosions or people losing their heads in movies. Don’t. Stop that now.


Jay Z- Hard Knock Life

These songs aren’t really correlated in style or subject but this is a better song about how life exist. Yes life is unpredictable and we hope you had a good time but sometimes life is hard and you need to sing a song from Annie with some kick-ass beats behind it. Sometimes things call to you. Jay-Z walking down the street and grabbing asses. Perfection.

Don’t Listen:

Evanescence- Bring Me To Life

Seriously. Cut this out. Screeching singing with a rockish beat. And the symphonic-ness. Stop. It hurts my ears. Seriously. Then you bring in all the worse parts of a Linkin Park song. Sigh. If this is what I have to hear, please don’t save me or bring me to life. I want to just sleep in silence. And can’t you just save yourself? Seriously ladyfriend? You need shitty rap and rock to save you from the mess of your life? You can’t do it yourself?  Be a strong proud woman. And for this video: You climb a fucking building and as soon as the dude opens a window to “save you”, you fall. See? You are better off saving your own damn self.


Billy Joel- My Life

Now this is an empowerment song! So much so that it was used in a TV show that promoted cross-dressing deception. He is alright. He may not be, but he will be to do what he wants with his life. It is so 80s-licious and awesome. So do you want to fall from a building or sometimes wear a dress to prove you have power? I know what I am choosing. I have my dresses picked out.

Don’t Listen:

One Republic- Good Life

Two seconds into this song and I want to punch a wall. I know it will hurt me more than the wall but it is worth it. I really hate One Republic. It is so castrating and I never had balls. (At least I don’t think I did. Mom did you forget something?) It is so boring and full of nothing. I know I pretty much said that before. I want a song that sounds like they actually care about music than making a catchy song. Plus he closes his eyes when he sings which is annoying. Maybe this irrational but I am Vivi and I am doing the telling. You shush your purity mouth.


Kanye West- Good Life (Ft TPain)

See he is welcoming you to the good life. You don’t have to endure “this has gotta be a good life.” Kanye knows. He will tell you all about it. You will want to pop the hood and the trunk. That is what a decent person would do. You want ride in a convertible on sunny days listening to this song. The One Republic song is one you sing to your partner when you both at the end of your relationship but you are still trying to convince each other that things are okay. So listen to this one. Because you got to shine! Be the diamonds I know you all are.

Bonus songs!!

Mario Kart Love Song 

I just found this song and love it. It is adorably sweet. Listen. Esp if you like Mario or love.

Spirits of the Red City- Mine (via soundcloud)

So beautiful. Yes it is of the style that is popular right now but really it is super pretty.


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