The Bible: A Violent Hope of New Mission

Watched the next two segments: Hope and Mission

Hope

I didn’t have as much to say. It was super violent, more than the others and I also had a thugcat cuddling with me for most of the episode.  Makes it hard to type.

  • I don’t remember the part of the Bible with cannibalism. I might have stuck around,  if I had known there was that.  Though Hannibal (tv series, not movie) is much more fun.
  • I am so confused. I can’t tell the dirty white people apart.
  • So let me get this straight –Nebuchadnezzar (Chad for short), you will let them eat each other  and  then shoot the flaming arrows into them?  Is this to allow them a little char on their uncles?
  • Chad is a dick for killing children. And then you blind Zedekiah. Sigh Chad. I know you didn’t “do it” but you ordered it.
  • So Daniel is a psychic. I thought Christians frowned upon psychics.
  • Oh Daniel seems to be a God only psychic. Booooooooring.
    Daniel: Your nation will fall
    Dude: I get that but I am just trying to find out if Mandymirah will ever love me.
  • Hahahahah Chad, the people you set on fire aren’t burning. I think you used your burning people pass when you shot flamming arrows into them.
  • For being a dude who just interprets dreams, Daniel is ripppped. Maybe in spare time he does P90x (god let him know about it early)
  • Herod is fat. And he does leechosuction. Seriously I wrote this. I am sorry I did but there you go.
  • Not trying to make judgements but it seems like the Romans were always like mafiosos.
  • That angel is totally Chad Kroger. He keeps on saying the same things to different people so it is almost the same as every Nickelback song.
  • Mary: I totez swearz it is Godz   Nickelback: this is how she is a totez virginz
    Joseph: whore!!!  Okay I trust you Nickleback. Your songs just seep into my head how can i resist.
  • I want a prophecy room.
  • Mary’s hair got straight after having Jeezy. If I knew it was that easy.
  • I totes forgot that John the Baptist was the Neville Longbottom of the Bible. Though Neville ended up better.
  • Why is the devil the most middle-eastern in terms of voice and looks? What the fuckety fuck?
  • Why does John have dreds? Was he playing reggae when he baptized people? And this is why they asked for the full dunk to have a moment of silence?
  • No idea why Peter is Irish.
  • Jeezy is kind of cute for a white boy.

I really hope the rest of the apostles are other races so we have a UN of apostles  Though diversity to this bunch will be an Irish, Scot, Brit, and Welsh

Mission

  • Jesus looks like the dude. I want to give him a white Russian.
  • I think the apostle, Thomas is the Chris Elliot looking one.
  • OMG is that what lepers look like? EEEEEWWWW (I will not wikipedia this. I will not google image search).  I guess you know why I am not Jesus.
  • Dude in the Toque and hoodies is pissed at Jeezy being all SuperJew.  He wants to be the super Jewish person.
  • Pontius Pilate is a dick. I know it is expected. He is also Roman Mafioso.
  • So you grouped thieves, adulterers, and tax collectors together? And took a tax collector into your fold. So do we have to accept to the others too?  Asking for a friend.
  • Either Jeezy is really powerful or these people are easily wooed.  If I were watching a group of people getting ready to stone someone and then some random dude said “those without sin can have my stone.”, I know someone would have taken it and thrown it at the whore. And then thrown theirs. People are evil.
  • Why is the woman translating for Jesus in the group? Doesn’t he speak the same language?
  • Yes that is a lot of fish, Jeezy but I don’t think that basket is enough to feed that crowd. He keep on working at making those fish baskets.
  • Some of these miracles are crazy in practice. I know there are people who have prayed for food and didn’t get it. Like Jeezy said. I think he was thinking more spiritual food but don’t do a real thing and then have a fake thing given.
  • Aww Jeezy got agoraphobic and ran.
  • Really dragging all your posse out to a boat in a storm so you can walk on water, isn’t your best idea. It  really is kind of dickish. Especially since you just wanted to prove a point to one of your apostles.
  • Wow P. Pilate is so effeminate. And superdick. The Riot Police was hidden in the crowd!! omg evil.
  • Happy to see Riot Gear hasn’t changed much in 2000 years.
  • You just literarly raised a man from the dead and told people they would have everlasting life. I hope they know this is a symbolic thing and not like old Lazzy.
  • If Jeezy is so clever and the true messiah, then why does he need the apostles to Admral Ackbar at him?
  • Give unto Cesar what is Cesar’s and to God what is God? What the fuck does that mean? That you have a right to be inordinately taxed up the wazoo?
  • Way to give a creepy message to a child Jeezy.  “He told me the temples will fall, momma”
  • God this Jesus part is so boring. I don’t really care anymore. You aren’t doing anything to make me laugh or be interested.
  • Peter just cut a man’s ear off. Go PETER!!! Jeezy fixed it. Go Jeezy?  The guy kind of deserved it.
  • Is Passover so important that you would sacrifice Jesus? Seriously?
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