The Bible: Sleepytime Crucifixion

The last segment. I don’t have many notes because I fell asleep during it. It is the boring part. Uplifting if you care about Jeezy word being spread. For everyone else, Paul walked and walked and then the apocalypse happened. At least that is what I think what happened in this. Again I fell asleep.

  • Oh Petey. You deny Jesus because you don’t want to get hurt but you still get the beat down.
  • Oh Jeezy you are so boring and pretentitous. I know he is supposed to be all “son of god”. However, if someone looked up to the heavens and said “forgive them for they know not what they do”,  I would punch them in the face. I am not condoning punching Jesus in the face but when in Rome.
  • This whole Passion thing is just torture porn. Without any ball gags. It really skeeves me out. I don’t know why seeing this is a thing. Is your faith so weak that you need to reenact someone getting brutally tortured to feel something?
  • Barabbas or Jesus? Well one is an awesome dude from Charmed. The other is a King. One will need to be in the way of the Charmed one’s plans. The other said he could do this job when he is dead. Seriously the choice is simple.
  • The Jew that looks like Jeremy Irons is so so conniving.  You killed Jesus. Not the Jews. Just that asshole.
  • Passover means one gets Pardoned? Such a nice Roman dude. And you get to choose. That is the most epic game of Who Doesn’t Want to Be Wood Fodder?
  • So is Pontius Pilate a good guy after all? Superstitious? He is labeling Jeezy King of Jews to not piss of a God he doesn’t believe in.
  • So the disciples are feeding the poor on the street, who are sitting. Peter tells old homey to “stand up and walk”. How do we know he is crippled? Maybe he was just tired from standing and begging all day. Standing is hard, Petey.
  • I fell asleep and woke up and they are stoning someone. As soon as Jeezy dies, it starts again.
  • And I fell asleep and the show ended.

Sorry I don’t have the patience to finish this. I can summarize what I know. Paul who was an ass, gets tapped into the ring by Jeezy. Paul’s move isn’t the body slam, or pile driver, it is the walk and talk. He is the precursor to every Aaron Sorkin thing. He walks and talks. He writes letters. I think they go like this:

Dearest Infidel,

M’bad. I should call you non-believer. This is Paulie from the block. I have been walking so long and hard today (TWSS). I took a break to tell you about my friend, Jeezy. Have you seen him? Of course you haven’t he is dead and his ghost only visits me. Because I am special. But you can be special too. Take this water and have your friend sprinkle it on you. Then say these words “I love Jeezy and he isn’t dead even though he is.”  There is enough in there for your friend. Do each other.  You can take that how you want but one is wrong and the other gets you ghost visions. Anyhoo. I will be back around in your area in about 20 years. So then I can bless the rest of your family. Until then make sure they don’t sin. Otherwise it will be toasty. Toastier than Jerusalem in 4th month.  Be good. Take care. See you next 20 summers.

Sencrly yours,

Riley. Oops no Paul.

Then the apocalypse happens. Things falling from the sky, horsemen riding killing tings.  That really is the best wrestler entrance ever.

 

The end.

 

Or is it?

 

DUN DUN DUN

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