Summer Movies – It Begins

I am in love with you all. Immensely. That love means that I will sit in a darkened theater and watch these things called “films” on a giant screen. No popcorn because I have no dick to get fondled. (sadface)  Then you can decide if you want to see these “movies”. If you are Amish and on Rumspringa and you come to this blog first (as you should), then it is good to know which is the first movie you should see. First, I am sorry you came out (that doesn’t seem the right turn of phrase) this year and not last year because it would be Avengers hands down.However,  I will help guide you through this movie summer.  If you aren’t Amish then you will also benefit because movies are expensive (yes they have been forever, comparatively speaking , so shush). They are also sometimes just a pain to go to. Especially in the summer. So many children. Sigh I am old. But mega awesome. More awesome than those children. Yes I am calling you out loud teenagers. I am more awesome than you. How many pop culture blogs do you have?  Sorry lets review some movies.

Oh I wrote silly prose/poems for each of these movies and will continue do do so for any additional movies seen in a theater.  I need some way to make use of the fancy journal I bought in Italy.

Star Trek – Into Darkness

Initial reaction to this movie is that it was a super fun action movie with a plot that didn’t make me want to hit my head against a wall.  Honestly I doubt there is any action movie that is realistic and plausible that is also good.  If plausible and realistic are projected faithfully,  then it will be boring as shit because Vin Diesel would be in jail after the first capture. John McClane would be dead after the 2nd henchman (I will give him the first).

The movie was also super well acted. Benedict Cumberbatch, Zachary Quinto and John Cho being my favorite actors. In case you had a poll going in the office and you didn’t already know my deep love for Benedict then you won big money. He was amazing as a badass. He is becoming the new Alan Rickman.  mmmmmm

Star Trek-wise it seemed more of an action movie  that just happens to be in the Star Trek universe—-which may annoy some fans. I understand but I think that is also why it is a successful movie. Honestly most would say that 90-95% of the preceding Star Trek movies have been horrible. To be fair– I have only seen three of them (Star Trek, Wrath of Kaaaaaaaaaaaahn, FreeWilly -oops the Voyage Home).

I think doing it this way entices non-fans to try out the television shows. I know the first movie turned  me into watching The Next Generation with which I am now almost finished. To many getting into peoples head episodes in season 7.  Ugh. I hope there is one where we get into the head of the barber.

Things that annoyed me:
Scotty’s accent (so much)
The way teleportation works (I am a classic beam girl)
Table with people drinking and a Budweiser bottle just there for no reason (hate that that beer got carried into the future, seriously people)
The stupid lettering telling me where the scene is located(Doing it once is fine but then I remember what future London looks like. )

Also philosophical question about Star Trek. Are replicators for food just on the starships or everywhere? If everywhere do we still have a need for goats, sheep, pigs, chickens?
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Iron Man 3

Like Star Trek, it was a fun action film that just happened to be about Iron Man. Since he is a kind of a Batman, but for only big crimes , you can take away the “superhero” element quickly. It also gives you more room to analyze the mind of a man trying to be super.  Which this movie did do. I am not giving anything away since the trailer kind of warned you this would be a darker Iron Man. All of the ramp-up-to-Avengers movies are taking that darker tone.  I guess it is to be more something. I hope Spidey stays fairly light. I understand Dark Knight is good but we don’t need every superhero to have a crisis of superfaith.

I didn’t see Iron Man 2 and it didn’t really matter. I know that there is an American Iron Man played by Don Cheadle. I think this is Terence Howard from the first Iron Man. I approve of this change. Mostly because  Iron man and  ‘Merica Iron need  to do a buddy cop movie that involves some rolling and cuddling. And kissing. And……

The snark. The patented Iron Man snark. It was limited to a point. I hate Deadpool  (come at me bro).  I find Iron Man to be a tolerable Deadpool in the snark game and in this movie it was tilting towards annoying.  So if you enjoy the snark,  then you will love this aspect of the movie. I am a snarky girl so this would seem the perfect match. I want my Superheros more measured but not too deep into depression either.I am a picky bitch.

The non-Pepper girl, Maya, was hot. Pepper is one of the most annoying characters and moreso in this film. I just want a stronger female character in the things I am watching. And one that isn’t nagging the moment you bare your soul. Watching a lot of Sci-Fi and action movie things, I am yearning more and more for strong female characters. I know they are there I just need to find them.

Overall I much approve and it is worth the money.


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