I took a break. You didn’t know it was a break but it totally was. If you cheated on me I totally understand. I would have too. No need to sit around with your junk all engorged and nothing to do. Thus I have piled up a bunch of songs. I could hate some of these songs now since it has been so long. Some may have fossilized only to come back on a creepy island with a bearded man who brings them to life and then lets them eat people. Kinda hoping that doesn’t happen. Can you imagine how annoying an electronic indie pop song would be before it gobbled you up? Please quit with the fluttery whining, just chomp chomp.
Speaking of chomp chomp. Gimmick of the week: Imagine we are gorging on a huge box of Chicken McNuggets (Totes not sponsored by them. But if Ronald or Grimace wants to throw a couple Nuggets my way, I am not going to say no). Each McNugget you eat will be paired with a song and dipping sauce.
I am really scrapping the bottom of the barrel with this idea. At the bottom of this barrel, I feel this slimy mold and this idea. That is all. No idea where I am going to pull from next week. Maybe I will pair the songs with butt plugs (only when sponsored by AdamEve).
Dipping Sauce: Ranch
It is good but too much of this and you will be vomiting all over the floor. And really it is only good at certain times. You have to be in the mood for it. Honestly at the moment, you aren’t in the mood. Dear god it has a plink plink section. Ranch dressing is totally plink plink.
Dipping Sauce: Honey Mustard
The perfect combo of sweet with this comfortable kick. Something that makes you want to just lick it off your fingers and dance. What? You don’t dance and clap when you have honey mustard on your fingers? Heathens.
Dipping Sauce: Ketchup
Comfortable and reliable. It is always there and always has been there as long as you can remember. And it never changes. Honey Mustard can be too sweet or too spicy but ketchup is always ketchup. And sometimes you want to do dirty things with ketchup. No you don’t. Lets just pretend that didn’t happen.
Dipping Sauce: Sweet and Sour
Your go to. The one you can always rely on to be yummy and delicious. You just sing and sing while enjoying it. Yes you sing to your sweet and sour. It is sweet and sour. It deserves some loving via song.
Dipping Sauce: Gravy
You have no fucking idea why you chose it and then you like it. For some reason it is so bad for you but you like it. You can’t stop enjoying it. And it is smeared all over your face. You have some explainnnnnnnning to do.
Dipping Sauce: Buffalo
You say you don’t like it but you know you do. The spicy vinegar with a bit of sweet is dripping down your chin and you are bouncing around the room from the spicy kick. You are going all the way with this McNugget.
Dipping Sauce: Chipotle Aioli
Spice and cream. Name of my new porn. Or Bakery. I haven’t decided yet. It feels kind of dirty and bad for you but you love it so much and can’t stop eating it over and over.
Dipping Sauce: Sweet Chili
It starts off sweet and you are enjoying this love song to your chicken morsel. Then this spice and edge kicks in the back of your throat. You will show this nugget how it doesn’t need any other sauces.
Dipping Sauce: Tzatziki
You like tzatziki and the McNugget but never thought about putting them together. And then you wonder how you lived without it. It is fresh and full of substance. You groove along swirling it into your mouth.
Dipping Sauce: Honey
You like honey but not always. In small doses because the sweetness and stickiness will creep up on you. You find it fun but know the novelty will wear off.
Dipping Sauce: Hot Mustard
You are just killing it with the spice. Because sometimes you like to give your body an adrenaline workout. It is loud, harsh and fun. After eating this one you consider starting a punk girl band. (even if you are a boy)
Dipping Sauce: Grape Jelly
It seemed like a good idea at the time and it did taste good at first. Then the shame came over you. And you have no idea why you chose this. Maybe because you were trying to rebel against the totalitarian system that only serves breakfast till 10:30. What a poor way to rebel.
Dipping Sauce: Chick-Fil-A Sauce
It is comfortable and fun but not something you normally do with a McNugget. You can’t explain why they are beautiful together but they are. You don’t sing to it or dance to it but just enjoy the creamy beauty.
Dipping Sauce: Teriyaki
It seems weird and not usual but it is good. It works. It has a mild kick but tons of yummy sweetness. You do feel floaty and light. Like a motherfuckin feather pillow.
Dipping Sauce: BBQ
A standard but something you don’t always go towards. You love it so much but sometimes forget that it is there. It has a great kick that keeps you going and excited.
Dipping Sauce: Mango Chutney
You love it so much but you know your love will fade. It will be a momentary obsession that you will devour constantly for a while but forget about it in a month. Then come back to it later on going “how did I forget that this existed?”
17. HAIM- The Wire
Dipping Sauce: Nothing
It is perfect and beautiful and you really don’t need to dip into a sauce for this one. It has that juice and crunch that you love. It creates a beat in your head that you will love forever and strive to find other McNuggets that are just as good.