I haven’t been able to see as many summer films as I have wanted but I will try to see more. Or I won’t I don’t really know. I promise things and then don’t do it. I am flaky at times. Ambitious. Lets go with that. Summer is almost over and I will probably end this summer movie thing with two posts collectively. Yay! If you read what people say then this summer has sucked for movies so you and I didn’t miss much it seems.
It is the perfect Robots punching Monsters film. It is everything you want: metallic, loud, shiny, and fun. I am curious to hear about people who didn’t like the movie and how it failed to meet their expectations. It had these epic huge monsters fighting epic huge robots. See:
My favorite Jaeger (except -meister hahahhaha I am the first to ever make this joke) is this amazing thing:
Oh and a picture of a monster to convince you more of the awesome:
This movie is Aces plus plus plus. I also realized I can’t name kaijus. In the movie they had names like Leatherneck, Trespasser, etc. I would name them things like Dickhead and Fuckface.
Fast and Furious 6
I have tried to watch this movie earlier this summer and failed. Because I am persistent and love you, I have now watched this movie. It is not Pacific Rim good but really good. Lots of car chases and a plot that wasn’t a bunch of people getting caught constantly under a stupid heist premise. Oh and Jason Statham. He was in it and then gone in 60 seconds but I am okay with that. I did make tons of notes and will relay them all to you.
- So you made the Scottish guy fall down and go boom. But who is going to pay for that damage, The Rock?
- I appreciate your need to “bulk up” but when your veins are trying to burst out of your beefed up body, it may be time to quit. Or start heroin.
- Sideboob!! In exchange I have to see Vin Diesel’s stupid face. Bew.
- I think that chick in the picture is supposed to be dead…but I’m not fully sure. I haven’t seen any movies in the series except Fast Five.
- IT IS NEVER THAT SIMPLE
- When was the Rock a Girl Scout? Is there some information we don’t know? You can’t just fail at your job and automatically start selling Girl Scout cookies. Lets start with the first problem- not a girl. 2nd Problem- way too fucking old. 3rd Problem- the Girl Scout cookie season is super short and definitely not sustainable for active employment.
- A rogue team conference call. Because you know this line is secure. Suuuuuure.
- Also do you guys have a name? You need one. I am giving you one. The Furries. Because you are furious. About what? No fucking idea.
- So you don’t turn your back on your family. You know why, marbles (Vin D)? Because they will shoot you in the shoulder!
- Now there is a rival crew. Good to see they also have two black guys. Close one there fellas. You need a name too. Hmmmm the Fasties.
- So dead but not so dead girl has amnesia. Good to see her bitch center of the brain wasn’t damaged. I would have cried.
- This is the part where we talk car porn for two minutes. I love it because there are guys that are confused by having a boner while looking at Marbles.
- You aren’t scary, Whispering British Dude.
- Marbles loves Amnesia Boring . The romance for the snoooooooooooooooze.
- Every man needs a code just like every action movie needs the good and bad talking their philosophies on life. Because this is always interesting. ALWAYS.
- Seriously I used to read Plato but then I learned from Marbles you don’t turn your back on family and I was all, “Plato who?”
- My hobbies also include telling my enemies my code. I figure it is a good way to spend five minutes.
- Marbles vs Whispering British Dude!!! A Battle to the subtitles!
- Excuse me. Excuse me sir…I have a tank on my head or ass. Either way it isn’t good.
- FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY LAY OFF THE CODE. We ain’t got no time for your extracurricular activities. This is a battle.
- Seriously if it is this easy to catch him, it won’t be the end. You must have seen ONE MOVIE. You don’t exist in a world without stuff. You like stuff.
- The Rock really fails at his job. The last movie he kept on catching and releasing Marbles and company. And now he catches the dude that will steal the thing that will end the fucking world (it seems) and he just lets him go. Because Marbles friend’s girlfriend is more important.
- So The Rock is just using MY HARD EARNED tax dollars to go play cars and guns with Marbles and Co. Or the Furries. I guess I have changed the name. Keep up people.
- This isn’t the longest runway in the world, this is a tribute. Actually no it is the longest runway in the world.
- If Die Hard-What-his-face can deal with a plane in the SNOW, Marbles and Co. surely can.
- THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON why you can’t escape. Always one last thing. You just got back your Ambien Girlfriend and you might die because you need to punch a guy in the face some more.
- So lets summarize this: Marbles gets Ambien Dead Girl; Pretty Boy gets his Baby Mama; Asian who had the most believable romance in the movie with the most kickass girlfriend gets…a dead girlfriend.
- Imagining the text Marbles sent to Sideboob: gf bak frm ded. u on curb nao.
- You spend all this time doing some shady illegal shit but we are supposed to feel you have this evolved morality that justifies it all because you do a group prayer? GO Fuck YOURSELF.
- Mmmmm Statham..