Clearing the Queue: Death Race 2000

death_race_2000_poster_05

A 70s movie about the future I have already lived through? check
Car racing? check
Tiittiesssssss? check
Gore? check

This movie is a good paired  with Behind the Candelabra for the camp factor alone. This movie is definitely not a s’more. Maybe a strawberry shortcake but with a fake strawberry glop on top. Good enough but probably lacking in substance, however it is what you were craving at the time.

I love David Carradine in this movie. I am not sure if I have seen him in anything other than Kill Bill. Let me check. Yup that is it. He did like Tai Chi videos right? If so then I have seen those. He wasn’t as much of a badass in those.  In this movie he was the badassiest of them all.  He is way better than Sly Stallone who was very marble mouth. OMG he is the original Vin Diesel!  I can’t believe it took me this long to realize that.

The movie is fun, campy as all fuck, and violent in the right ways.  I highly recommend this movie.

As usual, I did make some notes:

  • Hoping this is Running Man with cars (it kind of is but not really)
  • In this future- Nazi flags are a thing.
  • Who knew people thought we would have a Space Pope in 2000.
  • Love the reporters holding microphones that say “TV”. Is there something else?
  • One of the Nazis is a  Rick Moranis-like dork. Not sure why you introduce the concept of a Nazi but make him a dork. I get that we don’t like them but there is no need to add on to it. Well Nazis are universal assholes so I will allow it.
  • Mr. Frankenstein is now renamed Gimpenstein
  • Sly Stallone is  shooting a gun into the audience because people don’t like him. I don’t think he knows how friends are acquired.
  • I am curious to know who this Mr. P is and why he wants to constantly remind me that he loves me. Update: I think it is the President that hates foreigners. So you know, all presidents.
  • That dude just bled red paint. Maybe he stopped off at Home Depot before the race.
  • There is a euthanasia day for this Speed Hunger Games. All those old people looked so happy. Is the year 2000 that bad? They didn’t seem that gimpy or ill.
  • There was a head smash! I have a new idea for Gallagher. Keep him updated for these modern times.
  • He is wearing the gimp mask and black underwear and gets all the pussy. Hey fellas wanna turn the ladies on? Do you? Do I have a new fashion line for you.
  • They killed off the chick with the nicest tits, early. This movie is evil.
  • A fisherman died. Sometimes I feel like I am just listing the dead. But these deaths are kind of epic.
  • This future means that we are in a dystopian society where our blood has been replaced with red paint. I don’t know what came first but  I am going to say the paint blood. People started killing others to Pollock murals in their houses.  Then it got old quick and all hell breaks loose.
  • The nice titties are gone but the Gimpenstein’s navigator has a nice ass. So we have that.
  • Machine Gun Jo went to the land of eternal marbles for his mouth.
  • Even in evil campy future we hate the French. Even when there are still Nazis floating around the French are worse.
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