Vivi Tells You What to Listen to, Part 51

Frustrated writer. Frustrated mood. I have no idea what I am doing and yet I am still here doing this.  All of these songs are super excellent bundles of pleasing sounds. So listen to them and trust me, they are good even if I don’t tell you in detail why. I am going to try to write random thoughts or a story about each song in the description. Maybe that will entice you to listen to it. Maybe it won’t. Either way enjoy your day.

After writing these I feel like I should give a warning that there is talks of violence and sex. Not too graphic but it is there.

1. Sleigh Bells- Bitter Rivals

Lets imagine they made another musical about Romeo and Juliet and they needed a kick ass song and a stash of leopard print robes. For reasons. Maybe they were boxing gangs? Rival fight clubs that forgot the first rule? Seriously there is no reason why fight clubs should have rivals.  Plus if you did actually rival, scrap, scarmoouche, or fandango  then it would just make a mega-epic-super fight club. You should all just roll over together and be the Katamari of punches.

2. Disclosure – White Noise

It seems my playlist has a boxing robe theme thus my playlist is starting out frustrated too.  So this Katamari fight club is all tired out from the fighting and whatnot that now they are all zoning out nomming on some garlic knots. Maybe smoking some of the ganja (because I am a 50 year old person talking down to the whippersnappers). I just realized there is going to probably come a time where people won’t use the term whippersnapper seriously. I am now sad. I need some garlic knots. Do you get more knots depending on how many people you punched? I earned a dozen knots, bitch!

3.  Telepopmusik- Try Me Anyway

Sometimes I feel like that I should be doing more drugs because of the music I am listening too lately. I either need a pill or or type of drug habit. See I can’t even really name any.  It is not prudish, just there. So this KFC (OMG!! Katamari Fight Club might get into a Fight with the Colonel) is now peacefully asleep surrounded by boxes and empty containers of marinara.  They are all snuggled up together in the cutest little ball of punch. BTW the official drink of KFC is Hawaiian Punch.  Sometimes a CapriSun since the frustration  trying to get into one of those makes you want to punch someone.

4. Goodie Mob (Ft Janelle Monae) Special Education

It’s morning, the ball unravels, and people have to get to work with their imaginary friends. Maybe some are teachers (I hope to fuck not) and they need some go-go juice with a side of butter. Butter toast. They eat a lot of carbs in KFC. Strangely no actual KFC (huge turf battle still).  They need to get through work to battle the invasion of the swagger snatchers. Not to be confused with the invasion of the swagger snatches. Something completely different.

5. Manic Street Preachers- Show Me The Wonder

There is an almost American Psycho-like ritual to getting ready for a proper fight club night. You do apply some make-up. Get your cheeks all ready to be punched.  You assemble your kit of bandages, neosporin, garlic knots, etc. You stretch. A good stretch is important. You find your best imaginary friend for that night. Maybe you pull from your list of philosophers. Or your list of bad ass fake fighters.  And you make them fight for you. You really did a lot of garlic knots last night.  So you choose Teddy Roosevelt for tonight. You heard there might be horses. And you slap on some glitter. Because I said so. Nothing is more satisfying than glitter bombing others. Well punching of course.

6. Lorde- Team

Thursdays are team night in KFC. You assemble into 4 groups based on the houses of Hogwarts. Yes everyone else in the world forms Quidditch teams but never discount the house fight clubs in Hogwarts. Seriously how else did the houses get all of those points? Yes you got a good chunk of points for the Quidditch matches but where did the rest of the points come from? Fight Clubs. Operated by Professor Flitwick and  Nearly-Headless Nick. The more you know.  Also contrary to what you may think, Hufflepuff was always the winner. It was the only time they didn’t have to be the nice ones. Honey Badger Don’t Care (OLD MEME ALERT).

7.  Betty Wright & The Roots- Old Songs

In the summer, KFC would open some fire hydrants and fight in the splashes of water. Or they would use a kiddie pool or a slip and slide. Slip, slide , and punch is the bestest.  You start on steep hill punch a guy and slide away. Then he or she would slide down after you and you would roll and punch each other. Safely away from the end of the slide to not impede on others.

8.  Banks- Warm Water

Sometimes KFC would turn into KSC. The S is for Sex. You could keep it to KFC and have the F mean fucking. But seriously decency people. It would start with two and the sweat and punch blood would have others just stick on or in and then this ball of fuck (ooops sex) would just start forming.  IT was dangerous the one time it started after the Slip Slide and Punch. Long hill, bruised vaginas.

9. Jessica Lee Mayfield- Our Hearts Are Wrong

A person would decide the bruises and stitches were too much and then they wanted out. So the ritual would be to do a Punch Out and if they survived then they could leave. They would  play Mike Tyson’s Punch Out until they beat Mr. Dream.  You were expecting it to be  a group of people just punching this one lone person. Savage.

10. CHVRCHES- The Mother We Share

The worst day ever in KFC was the day that Saul and Paul realized they had the same mother. And that Saul was raised by the said mother and Paul wasn’t.  The fight that ensued lasted for 4 days and many garlic knots were had afterwards. Then they cried when they listened to the synth-indie-pop songs they loved. The tears weren’t  because of the mother situation but because they like synth-indie-pop with stupid band names.

Playlist

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