Vivi Tells You What to Listen To, Pt 54

I haven’t explored that much new music this week. I indulged on lots of video games and didn’t make time for music. Super mega sadface. If this song were a video game I will describe what it is. This will probably only be based on the titled of the song.  Also this list may also prep you for the upcoming Call of Duty: Agents of GhostButts that is coming up soon.

1. Kitten- Cut it Out 

A game version of Repo! The Genetic Opera. You are a Repo Man that must cut out organs of people who haven’t paid their debts. You do this while they are sleeping trying not to wake them and you aquire a bunch of organs you become the Organ King and then you control the world of other Repo Men. Paris Hilton tries to sing and you can cut out her organs to make her stop. IF you aren’t careful Kirby will come in and swallow all the organs because like a broke-down crack whore, Kirby will swallow anything for power.

2.  Close Quarters- Lets Put A Smile on That Face

It is a Batman spin-off from the point of the Joker. You go through the life of the Joker, as a teen trying to make people smile with jokes and silly antics. Then that fails and you get progressively bitter. Till you are forcing smiles on people with knives. You have to beat the pesky Batman by putting a smile on his face. But not after you put one on Alfred first. Smirk that butler.

3.  Spank Rock – #1 Hit

The process of writing a hit song is the focus of this game. First it is writing, then selling to executives and finally promoting on  radio stations to try to be the next number one hit.  If your song isn’t good enough, you will have to slut it up or maybe you have to apply more eyeliner to hide your old-ass eyes (looking at you Jared Leto). Watch out for Britney Spears—-swooping in and stealing your song and making it a number one hit. Best cut that bitch down before she makes you lose the game.

4. Andrew Jackson Jihad- People II: The Reckoning

The long awaited sequel to People I: The Slumbering. In this one you get your reckon on with your trusty banjo you use it to shoot lasers at people who need to be Reckoned. You can also gut people with your beard of shivs.

5. Ludacris- Pussy Poppin

Mario and Luigi are up to their mustaches in pussy. There are cats everywhere!!  They need to pop them back into baskets and take them back to their owners. All before Peach comes home from a long day at the factory. If she sees OPP everywhere, she will be pissed!

How I didn’t know about this song sooner makes me sad but it is in my life now. Everyone’s pussy needs some one famous on it. Right?

6. Polica- Chain My Name

In this game you play a brute named Chain and you have to survive in a world where the mob has a hit out on you. You have to use stealth and force to succeed and eventually kill the mob boss named “Don Gumbo”.   You are paired with a killer rabbit named Sprinklegrenade.

7. Girls Generation  – I Got A Boy

You are Tiffany and you have a boyfriend that you don’t like but instead of breaking up with him like a normal person,  you have to devise all these schemes for him to want to break-up with you. There are many options:  the cheat, the crazy bitch, the psycho mama, the faby, the fatal attraction, etc.  It is bright and pink and full of insane cutesy electronic music. So I would probably play this one.

8. Hyuna- Ice Cream

First watching PSY eat ice cream like that creeps me out and makes me feel sorry for any of his girlfriends.

The game is about being an Ice Cream man and making and delivering ice cream for all the children. Sometimes you accidentally run one over and you have to start over again. Probably best not to do that. The cutest and darkest game Nintendo has ever made.

9.  Pillowfight- Get Your Shit Together

Parents do you still have your child living with you even though they should be out of the house now? Then “gift” them this game.  They will have to find a good paying job, get an apartment, learn to cook, do laundry, and be a responsible adult. And they have to complete all of this before the zombies come and eat them. For “reasons” their responsible adult life is zombie proof.

10.  Paula Cole- Where Have All the Cowboys Gone

Post-apocalyptic survival game where you are trying to find or create cowboys to control the immense cow population that arises after the apocalypse. For some reasons it increased cow fucking 10000% and now they are mooing everywhere. That puddle isn’t water, just saying. Find those cowboys now and wrangle that shit in and have some steak.

Dear god this song is horrible for women. OMFG. Seriously bad but it is so damn catchy.


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