Clearing the Queue: Man of Steel

man-of-steel-2165999
Yummy

Update: I didn’t give due enough attention to the chest hair or chestial region of Henry Cavill. I have included a bonus picture and one of a shirtless Stephen Amell.

I should have seen this movie in a theater but I didn’t.  However the DVD/Blu Ray release of this film is coming out next week and if you slacked like me to see this movie, I have a review for you. If not then I have some humorous notes.  If not for both of those then shush your face.

An explosion of images lights and sound filled my screen and I settled in to watch this joyride of a film.  Wow that isn’t me. i tried to be all fancy movie reviewer but I can’t so I will be boring Vivi.  I expected to hate this movie because honestly Sucker Punch scarred my soul a bit. Just a bit not too much because  I refuse to let Zack Snyder have that much control over me. Yet I continue to see his silly movies. You win this time ZS.  As you probably guessed I enjoyed the movie way more than my little head thought. Maybe it was because my expectations were low but I really think because this is the type of Superman movie I wanted to see. Now i don’t know if it makes it a good move but for me it was what I wanted my Superman to be. I like the heaviness on his spirit, Superman isn’t a light-hearted guy. He isn’t a bumbling buffoon. He is Atlas trying to hold the world up without breaking it. Trying to figure out the balance of resting and being a person and saving the world.  I like the exploration of this inside of him combined with fun extended fight scenes. In 143 minutes it showed us the origins of Superman including the mythology of Krypton, a compelling story line with great action scenes,  a believable attraction between Superman and Lois, and the heavy dark of the Superman mind.  I give it mega-aces.

Because yeah
Because yeah

Notes (Spoilers Obv):

  • I know you are all super powerful but fuck giving birth to that thing  is probably a bitch. And there are probably no epidurals. Big ups to Supermamma.
  • Zod is mad. So the guy with the creepo eyes is mad. Big surprise.
  • Why does JorRussell have an accent but no one else does? How did this anomaly happen, Krypton? Explain yourselves!
  • There is a kelp human baby farm. Or Kryptonese baby? What the fuck do we call you people.  Either way eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.
  • Note to Kryptonese/Kryptonians:   If you make a statement on how Earthlings are little or weak or stupid, remember one thing EARTH STILL EXISTS.  Your planet died because you refused to listen to Master and Commander yet Earth still revolves around the sun. So SHUT IT and get off my fucking planet.
  • At this point I found the movie thoroughly confusing with magical birth babies, codexes.  It was explained later in the movie so keep that in mind.
  • Supermamma:  I am so sad my husband was murdered and I had to send my son to another planet and my planet is being destroyed as I weep but at least I have some perky boobs!
  • So yeah they knew the planet was dying because JorRussell told them and yet they sent the superevil off the planet as punishment. Good plan.
  • Dick splash is my new favorite insult. My new band name is Dick Splash and the business.
  • Papa Kent is channeling his Field of Dreams.  I really hope “Uncle James Earl Jones” comes in and talks about baseball.
  • Isn’t the hidden fortress A) supposed to be hidden better B) password protected.  I can’t believe Norton spent money to sponsor this movie with such horrible lack of security. Actually I can.
  • If you just renamed Zod “the Spanish” it would have the same effect. Conquerors are badass and horrible horrible people.
  • JorRussel left him a suit, himself in hologram form and a razor.  Because you always need a razor.
  • Get your motherfucking codexes off my motherfucking planet.
  • Quicksand Skulls. At first I didn’t know what that was but now I remember and it is almost like a 300 People Tree but not really.
  • Zod and his fingerlicking posse:  Maybe not put your prisoners into rooms with random buttons.
  • Another title for this movie could have been: All Your Escape Pods Belong in Smallville
  • Awww Superman makes Zod all woozy. ❤ Can you imagine all the things they would destroy having hate sex.
  • Pancakes…. mmm pancakes.  Why you have to destroy my International House of Pancakes!
  • Where am I going to get my affordable clothes and tires now that you have destroyed the Smallville Sears
  • Sears no like train. Train says: Fuck you choo choo
  • To Aliens trying to invade Earth: Just because you burnt your house down doesn’t mean can kill me and have mine. THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS WORK.
  • Zod is kneeling before you. You win Superman!!  Hope that suit came with a zipper because someone his getting his superdick sucked.
  • Zod is all wahwah you took my tick ship. You killed my Fingerlicking Posse.  Now I have all these marbles in my mouth. WAAAAAAH
  • Happy to know that the neck snap actually kills people. After watching Vampire Diaries, I was unsure.
  • I guess we aren’t done destroying things. Maybe laser eyes aren’t the best because people get angry and things get destroyed.
  • Though the reason why Jesus gives laser hugs is because of things like this.

    Poor Lois
I have no idea why I wanted this here
I have no idea why I wanted this here
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3 thoughts on “Clearing the Queue: Man of Steel

  1. Where is the mention of his chest hair? I demand an addendum to this post.

    And WTF was up with Lois screaming Clark’s name all over the place? Bitch. Secret identities. Look that shit up

    1. I added a bonus picture to the post as an apology for forgetting talking about his chest hair. 🙂 Oh yeah these women always spoiling things everywhere.

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