I watched it and now I have things to tell you. There is probably typos and grammatical things- I was in a rush and did my best. I reviewed all the performances based on items on my coffee table. Which is cluttered and looks like this:
- Katy Perry “Unconditionally” — An okay song done to a Geisha theme complete with a cherry blossom sprinkle and twirling umbrella parade. I feel like she just watched Farewell my Concubine. It was super weird honestly.
Rating: Gold Ipsy Bag- Pretty and cute but not sure if there is anything inside there or not.
- Pitbull is hosting.
- He is starting out kind of dorky.
- They cut to Daisy Fuentes I think because Pitbull mentioned Sofia Vegara and Daisy was her at one point.
- Also because she is a Latino. They just found Mark Antony and then cut to Justin Timberlake. Maybe they ran out.
- Pitbull is like your crazy uncle that you invite to the family bbq because he tends the grill well. Though you have to deal with that he may drink too much and oggle the 16 year old girls.
- Taylor Swift looks really pretty. No joke just that.
- One Direction “Story of My Life”– The song is beautiful and the boys are equally as pretty.
Rating: Ryan Gosling (Hey Girl) Journal- Pretty on the outside and kind of in a cheeky way. Blank on the inside unless I decide to add meaning to it.
- Oh T-Swift ex count is now at 1
- Ariana Grande “Tattooed Heart” –– She really is going for the Mariah Carey bracket. In the singing way not the other crazy butterfly sugar sugar way.
Rating: Urban Decay Glenda Palette- So many layers of beautiful that can be created with one simple thing. And sparkles.
- Imagine Dragons “Demons/Radioactive”– Lead singer is a bit too jerky for me but the performance is catchy as fuck. And drums. I am weak.
Rating: Chick-Fil-A Sauce – Delicious but really not good for me or society.
- OMG THE JAMES EARL JONES /Malcolm McDowell Sprint commercial. I need a ringtone now that is just Malcolm McDowell saying totes magotes.
- Akon is wearing a leather t-shirt that says “Never Surrender”. He is really committed to this leather thing. Or he thinks he is Dorothy.
- Naya Rivera is super noms.
- Pitbull and Ke$ha “Timber”– I wonder if Sir Mix-A-Lot is a bit sad that his ass career didn’t launch as many singles as Pitbull. Ke$ha’s voice was pure and sweet. Mega loves.
Rating: EOS Lip Gloss– Sweet, tart and I will re-apply often.
- Dave Grohl just rooted for Imagine Dragons over Lumineers/Mumford and Sons. And they won. wow. Pro-Foo ATW.
- His name is Pitbull. It isn’t hard to say the WHOLE WORD, don’t call him Pitt.
- Justin Timberlake “Drink You Away”– Very bluesy and not what I was expecting but I love it.
Rating: Unopened Larger Christmas Present- Excited to see and not sure what it is but know I will love it. And pretty.
- Florida Georgia Line ft Nelly “Cruise/Ride Wit Me”– I am sucker for those country guys who are kind of buff with longish hair and wears vests with no shirt or just a tank-top. Sigh. I like this song but the performance isn’t anything new. I just realized this is this generation’s RunDMC/Aerosmith. And while I like Cruise more than Walk This Way, it is a bit sad
Rating: EveryDay with Rachel Ray- Fun and easy to read but not much else going on and I will probably be bored with it in a month.
- Rihanna “Diamonds”– Not a huge Rihanna fan so I found it boring.
Rating: Remotes– They are useful to do things but I am not going to care that much about them.
- Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis “Can’t Hold Us” — There is horns and Mackelmore has good energy. And he is sweet but I am tired of these songs over and over at awards show. You do have a whole album.
Rating: Totoro Bowl— Adorable and fun but I have no idea what to do with it.
- Jennifer Lopez “Tribute to Celia Cruz”– The dancers for this number were amazingly good and Lopez was also great. She looks fabulous too. One of my favorite performances of the night.
Rating: Hello Kitty Pen – Surprised a bit that it still works well. Comes in many colors and it is pretty.
- Nathan Fillion …. noms.
- A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera “Say Something”– The song is just fine with the piano player/singer. She really isn’t needed. It makes it a muddled duet.
Rating: Team Jacob Bag– Okay but it really isn’t needed and mostly filled with junk.
- Kendrick Lamar “Swimming Pools (Drank)/ Poetic Justice” — Bring out the classic lasers. Love love him so much.
Rating: RAID Redemption– Love the bits I have seen and mean to check out the whole thing but forget.I know I will love it if I see the whole thing.
- Lady Gaga and R. Kelly “Do What You Want” — It is like Trapped in the Closet with R. Kelly as president. I am so happy right now. I want all my presidents to wear leather pants. This is the sure-fire way to get Ignition Remix as our national anthem. Omg I just realized that her singing “do what you want with my body” to R. Kelly means he will pee on you. Have you really thought this through LG?
Rating: Ninjabread Men kit- Been looking forward t it for a while and now excited that it is finally here.
- Luke Bryan “That’s My Kind of Night”– It’s fine. I don’t have much else to say about it. Taylor Swift likes it.
Rating: Coasters- There and useful kind of but often get moldy and I have to throw them out.
- TLC and Lil Mamma “Waterfalls” — I feel like I am stuck in the 90s. Even the outfits. Did you not have the budget for new outfits?
Rating: Plastic wrapper – I forgot it is there and even though I went through the table earlier today to throw away trash it is still there. Even with a piece missing.
- Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” — Kitty cat!! I am okay with this; She is creating her own memes. Sad kitty don’t like the wrecking ball. Of course not it is going to wreck the kitty. Why is Miley wearing plastic lids on her arms? Are there a bunch of uncovered soups in this world? Are there? Tell me now! Also Unprotected Soup is the name of my new band.
Rating: Unopened smaller present – Not sure what I was going to get but was thoroughly excited. And I know it will contain adorable things.