Once upon a Christmas elevensies, Vivi dreamed of watching great movies that had a vague Christmas theme. She wished to see these films and make a bit of snark about them to create these wondrous blog posts to stun and amaze all of the people in the land. However the Grinch was strong on the internets and restricted these movies from being free online. Vivi was sad but she wasn’t dismayed. Whilst bundled up and searching Netflix she found a multitude of Power Rangers Christmas Specials and uttered the words “eh. sure why not.”
Having never seen the Power Rangers because she is an ancient one who did not see these swatches of fighting color, she has no reference to said Power Rangers. Now commences our tale the review of the specials from 2011, 2012, and 2013
From this episode I learned this about the Power Rangers (Samurai – I guess there are types):
- They are color coded all the live long day. And STILL the other rangers confuse their colors.
- If you wave a paint brush or magic thing and create a Japanese character it will come to life. Quick what is the Japanese character for biscuits?
- They keep on talking about fighting Ziplocs or something like that.
Comments on this specific episode:
- There is a gold power ranger. Were people pissed?
- Yellow is clumsy
- Being a samurai isn’t all fun and games. I would have never known!
- This is a silly flashback episode.
- This amusement park trip is a huge thing. I really hope it ended with finding that the keeper wasn’t a ghost but just a shady fuck and Jerry Reed will sing us Pretty Mary Sunshine.
- The black guy is demanding sunscreen for the next time they go to the beach because he burned so bad the last time. Oohkay.
- 5 out of the 6 got gifts like scarves, a towel, cookbooks, ben wa balls. Then the green got a motorcycle. Which he promptly- GAVE AWAY
So there are two girl power rangers in this incarnation and all of the flashbacks pertaining to them involved nursing, bad cooking, and a girl squee-fest. The boy flashbacks were all about fighting creatures and carrying the burden of being a powerful thing. Oh and making things to fight better. Sigh.
Power Rangers Samurai: Stuck on Christmas (2012)
- Santa is going to have one less stocking to fill. Way to go evil creature thing with the quippy lines.
- And now the Power Rangers are into it too… “now I am going to trim your tree”
- FlipPhones in 2012 are now used to control your magic samurai powers.
- So to become MegaColorSwatch they have to use the flip phone to channel a Japanese character then lock some rings into shit then form into some other shit then assemble. And shout a bunch of crap like Popsicle, battery, now and later.
- They are all drift compatible or maybe not…. the Jaeger is stuck.
- It is 2012 who roasts chestnuts? Maybe your inability to roast chestnuts is why the apocalypse didn’t happen.
- I just realized the sixth Power Ranger from the last special is gone. I am going to assume he died: RIP GOLD (Gold is Better). I will assume that he died in an epic battle with a plastic monster and when the monster melted he got poisoned by the fumes.
- Blue brings his sketchbook to battle. Because that is easy to carry and doesn’t get in the way. Nooooo.
- I want Christmas cookies.
- There is a bad guy that is a metal hedgehog looking thing. I want one!!! I want to take it to the park and go on slides and swings with my metal hedgehog. I will call him- Prickly
- Why do all these evil creatures look like if H.R. Geiger mated with a fucked-up clown?
- One shouted “FireSnatcher” during lets shout some random thing time. Also Fire Snatcher is my new burlesque name.
This episode was also heavy on the flashbacks and the girls flashbacks were sigh. They shopped and planned schemes in this one.
Power Rangers Megaforce: The Robo Knight Before Christmas (2013)
- Where we learn if replacing Gold with a Robot teaches them about gender equality.
- Robo Knight doesn’t understand the concept of Christmas trees. I should have peaked my ears at this more but I didn’t.
- The girls were shopping so equality is still lost.
- They lost the samurai mojo for reasons I guess. I am assuming it is because someone drew the character for poop and their samurai magic privileges were revoked.
- So I thought the robot was an enemy but he is a friend. Since he looks just like their enemies, lets pretend that they created this character to talk about Muslims in the modern world. How some are evil creatures that want to kill the world and other are friend.
- There was a toy drive. Awwwww. It was people giving toys for them to be shipped to AFRICA. May I remind you all of this gem:
- Robo Knight ends up in Africa because and he
- The Christmas story is really an excuse to talk about the magical PR through stupid flashbacks.
- These PR like to use trading cards to channel their power instead of flip phones. I am just happy it wasn’t pogs.
- Boy PR offered to carry girl PR’s books and she called him “retro”. First what the fuck does that mean? Second it is hard to say that when you 10 minutes ago you were asking for him to get you something “expensive” for Christmas.
- Robo Knight learned about Hip Hop and how to rap from some random black kid in the library. People this show was made in 2013.
- No one seemed to care that Robo Knight just went up and missing for a couple of days. Maybe that happens. You are thawed or whatever after 1000s of years of hibernation and like the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer you need to let off some steam. Maybe he has to go “find himself” for a couple of days. Learn about “human culture” down at Peek-Her-Boos. I secretly hope that Robo Knight also has thousands of dollars in unpaid debt from his horrible gambling addiction. We know by the fact that he can’t figure out that he is Africa and he has to ask about basic things and concepts he didn’t get the smarts. Maybe his creator died before he could add in the brain.
- So we end this mess of sensitivity with Robo Knight getting a gift presumably by Santa. Here is what I imagine Santa’s rant to be:
[Looks at the list and sees Robo Knight on there] “What the fuck? Who would name their child Robo Knight? Oh it is a robot. We are giving gifts to robots now? What the fuck do robots want? I don’t have that much WD-40. This is fucked. I am too damn old for this shit.”
- Oh and another message about this PR series is to protect the environment. Lets just shoehorn that mess into this.