As the newly appointed mayor of Soup, I wanted to let you know about my adventures in this beautiful snow-capped town. We have had three people (creatures?) move into town since my arrival. Everyone is generally pleasant though they need to curb the ‘tude a bit. You invited me to your home so don’t complain about me staring at things in your house. I will not blind myself for your comfort you weird creature thing.
Question: Why am I the only human in this town? Is it weird that none of you creatures are qualified to be mayor? You can talk, walk, build houses but you cannot rule the town. Maybe it is because none of you will donate to the fountain fund. I am just trying to build a fountain so our town looks even more beautiful. That we may have a place to gather to celebrate grand events and you all just want me to pay for it all. Money doesn’t grow on trees you know?
Actually it kind of does. Apparently I can shake a tree, gather its fruit, and sell it to a shop for cold hard cash. Unless one of you deadbeats asks me for fruit because you don’t want to be seen shaking a tree. Seriously? What the fuck do you do to earn money? You all have houses that are more lavish than mine. I have a house that looks like I ransacked the hobo store.
I would like to apologize to Blathers for waking you up during the day when I need some fossils assessed. I really need the money and I am sorry for not donating them also. It is just things in this god-forsaken town cost way too much and I needed that dress. Did you know Blathers that it costs me 20,000 to just do my job as mayor? If I want to lay down the law that people have to behave, I have to pay 20,000. So I guess murder is an option since I am poor. Yeah that makes sense.
Your showcase showdown arena is currently only populated by a dude named Reggie who has the creepiest catchphrase. I know we are the only two humans and you are chained behind a locked area guarded by a dog (wow that is deep) but I don’t want none of your body.
I am enjoying my time here. I wish you all were a bit less needy and dependent on my approval. Then I could spend more time trying to fish so I can pay to make this town something other than the crap fest you gave it to me as.