Grammys 2014

I’ve been sick (again) and so this Grammy’s post is a day late.  The Grammy’s was so insanely long and boring overall.  Good you want to do a star-studded performance show, but make it work better together. Also edit.  Too many I got bored trying to rate things. However I did for you all. I chose items/creatures in the game Animal Crossing New Leaf. This is pretty much the only thing I do besides watch things and read a comic book.

Beyonce featuring Jay-Z

Sex on a rotating chair!  She is really working her “asset”. Geeeeeeeeeeeet it?  If I ever have sex with Matthew McConaughey (shush it could happen) I just want him to describe my torso in detail as he undresses me and use the word “torso” over and over. A mantra as he…. oh sorry.  Like that- I want Beyonce to say surfboard forever. I want her star in a movie where she plays the dumpy girl who works at the surf shop and dreams of being a professional surfer but then they realize she is pretty and Beyonce and thus she is a pro-surfer. That makes sense.
Back to this performance. Beyonce was hoooooooooot and then there is Jay-Z which then just c-blocks us all.

Rating:  The Beach-  Where the surfboards would be.


I love her for doing a barren, stripped version of Royals. First because it is awesome. Second because it cuts on all that Taylor Swift sing and dance nonsense.  I have watched so many of these shows and it is refreshing to see something like what Lorde did.  I would link these performances but I assume most will get taken down from YouTube but if you find it. Check it.

Rating: Fossils– I like finding them no matter what they are.

Hunter Hayes

Stop trying to make you happen. I don’t want you to happen.

Rating: A seashell–  They all look the same and they are all worthless

Katy Perry

I don’t know why people see witches and think Satan. It isn’t the same. Sure this is a Hot Topic version of Macbeth but it aint no satanic ritual either.  The Charmed ones must be pisssed.  Also that ain’t how you use a broom.  Also you like themes, move on.

Rating:  Fortune teller– She is probably useful but I haven’t figured out why and her shenanigans are always a bit too much.

Chicago with Robin Thicke

I guess some people didn’t like this performance. I guess some people haven’t been listening to Yacht Rock on almost a loop since Novemeber. I guess some people don’t understand the magic of HORNS.
Hey metal band who are so “cool”- how about you bring in real horns instead of that fake finger shit?  HORNS
Your arguments are invalid because HORNS. And the best line ever “I think it was the 4th of July.” You think? You are called CHICAGO. Is the sky exploding? Then it is the 4th of July or Aliens. Duck just to be safe.

Rating: Kidd– My favorite little blue goat that has HORNS

Keith Urban and Gary Clark Jr

It was fine. I am not on the Keith Urban train. The more I look at him, the more I wonder how many sticks of eyeliner does he have. I love Gary Clark Jr but he was not utilized well.

Rating: Centipede. I can’t catch it but I really don’t care. They exist so there is that.

John Legend

Your voice is beautiful. I love this song. I really don’t have much to say about it.

Rating:  Alice- Beautiful, gentle and calls me Guv

Taylor Swift

As much as I may mock the personality she gives off, I do love her music. This performance was her really being one with the music she writes. Headbang was a bit weird but if you are feeling it, you are feeling it. Keep it up!

Rating: Rock with hidden gem–  It seems like a dull little rock and there this cute little purple thing inside.

P!nk and Nate Reuss 

You will never guess what she did. Guess. I dare you. Oh how did you know she did acrobatic aerial crap?  Oh she does it for every performance. Yeah she is really good at it. No I am not bored at all by it. At all.

Rating:  Pashmina– I always know what she is going to say but I am not willing to kick her out of the town.

Ringo Starr

This is insanely painful. You barely let your trumpet (HORNS!) guy play. He spent most of the song just there with pursed lips. This song never ends. It went on for 2 minutes and it seemed an eternity.

Rating: Fish t-shirt– I got it from some random townie and it is ugly but we can’t say fuck you.

Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons

I love Kendrick Lamar so much. He is soooooooo good. He is my second favorite person named Kendrick. Combing him with Imagine Dragons who does percussive well make this the performance of the night. Check it!

Rating: Captain’s Hat– It took me a while to get it but when I did, I never wanted to take it off.

Kacey Musgraves

She is cute. I just find her cutesy singing style annoying. Cut it. Also I don’t know why it was southwest Christmas all up around her.

Rating: Deirdre– You were nice but I am glad you left.

Paul McCartney with Ringo Starr

Boring. Sorry Paul. Whatever new stuff you are doing now is just boring. You didn’t have to do a Beatles song (since you only seem to know Get Back, Hey Jude and Yesterday) but maybe a Wings song?  I like Butter Pie.  Sing me a Butter Pie.

Rating: Kapp’n– I think you are adorable but I have no fucking clue what you are singing and why you can’t just do something I know every now and then.

Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Merle Haggard, Blake Shelton

Love good old country. This was a fun performance. Check it.

Rating:  Able Sisters– The place I get my fun hats.

Daft Punk and Stevie Wonder and Pharrell and Nile Rogers

Great performance of a song I am pretty much sick of now.  Daft Punk kind of creep the fuck out of me.  Omg women want to have sex with those. Now I need to go look up Daft Punk “fan fiction” now.  BRB Yeah my head is ruined now. I blame you world. I blame you.

Rating:  Pill Bug- Easy to catch but super creepy.

Sara Barellis and Carole King

I liked this better when I watched it but thinking about it now it was meh. Whatever.

Rating:  Cherries– I can pick them from the trees and partake but I choose not to because I just don’t care.

Metallica with Lang Lang

I had no idea what to say about this performance and was still up.  All I have to say is poor Pikachu.  I think this performance was less painful than poor Pikachu’s plight. Maybe I should have left him at the day care. Shudder.

Rating: Bee hive- Sure it is worth money but you get all bee stung to get it.

Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis featuring Mary Lambert  (And Queen Latifah) (oh and I guess Madonna)

First- HORNS. Yayya weddings. It was beautiful and Mary Lambert outsinging Madonna always makes me happy.

Rating:  Love

Miranada Lambert and  Billie Joe Armstrong

Good performance of an Everly Brothers song.

Rating:  Apples- solid, good, not too many and make good profit

Nine Inch Nails, QOTSA, Lindsey Buckingham, Dave Grohl

I finally reached the end and shut this off when QOTSA came on. I like leaving when they are performing. It is my thing.

Rating: Blathers- Wise and you know your shit but seriously do you need to go on for that long?

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