I need topics. If you have them, give them to me. I like to write about pop culture (durr) and am willing to try out new things. Or old things again. Or just things.
Here is a crazy combo where I take music I liked from the last week or so and smoosh it into paragraphs where I can fantasize about the Green Lantern and his journeys.
I just read Green Lantern: Rebirth (as opposed to afterbirth ick. Don’t read that one) by Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver. I hated Green Lantern but this collection made me more okay with the dude. Or dudes. I even made a Pro-Con list that I was going to turn into a post. See?
But I decided to blend two things and make it a mega-blog for reasons.
1. P.S. Eliot – Incoherent Love Songs
Green Lantern and his recurring lady friend (there has to be one) loooove to get drunk and sing karaoke to each other. However when our boy GL gets drunk he mushmouths everything. And then also starts creating the stupidest things with his “ring”. There was this one time he made a pencil sharpener and for 2 minutes sharpened a pencil he created. Not a real one because that would just make him run away like a little girl.
2. CHVRCHES – Tightrope (cover of Janelle Monae)
When you need GL to create a tightrope for you so you can cross two buildings make sure he doesn’t get into another conversation. He will wave his hands and POOF you are falling 20 stories. If he notices (not always tragically), you might get a magical trampoline or something to catch your fall. Or you die.
3. Jeremy Messersmith – Lazy Bones
The good looking Green Lantern (you know who I am talking about ) decided to thwart his enemy, Tallermo, by turning his bones to mush. Or making them all wobbly. So when this tall drink of man came charging at you he would wobble and fall.
4. Beck- Blue Moon
A night with the blue moon is the strongest for the GL. Even a new moon still has a tinge of yellow coming through those patches of grey and white. So every once in a while the GL is fortified and strong like a box of Kix (are those still healthy? Or have they trixed us?). Our fearless GL uses this night to fight all the baddies. Except. Except. The baddies know this night is strong power night for GL so they just stay home, take in a movie, order a pizza. Maybe even do some vision boarding about their future plans against the world and GL.
5. Little Mix – Stand Down
There was this short lived Green Lantern way back when. You probably have never heard of him because he isn’t one of the “popular ones”. He doesn’t do what other Green Lanterns do. However this itty bitty GL had a catch phrase “Little Mix- Stand Down” . He would say this to all of his enemies. Even more funny if they were big because it definitely isn’t little. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
6. American Authors- Believer
Those who know and believe in the Green Lantern are not stupid. He is visible. You can see him. Doing things, buying groceries, living life. It is hard to ignore that ring. Or if you visit his house that huge ass lantern. So if you don’t believe then what do you believe in? Something you can’t see? Or something you can see on the pages right in front for your eyes?!!
7. Besserbitch- My Resignation
Did you know when a GL wants to quit there is a standard registration form he has to fill-out and submit to those quirky bastards up high? Then it has to be stamped and he is supposed to give his ring and lantern back. He can keep the uniforms because who really wants another man’s ball sweat?
8. Brandon Boyd- Sons of the Sea
Did you know that Aquaman was a playah? I say was because he was murdered last wee….. oops that was supposed to be a secret. Shhhh don’t tell anyone. Well Aquaman impregnated all kinds of people and all of this bastards were boys. No idea why but they were. NO Ariels up in this joint. Green Lantern found this out when some woman was looking for child support and Aquaman was off “saving dolphins”. GL built the best little orphanage for the Aquababies and they all live in their green palace in the ocean.
9. Betty Who- Somebody Loves You
This is his karaoke jam that he sings to the ladies. GL is a lover not a random bum-slammer. He is in for the long haul. Until he turns evil or blue or red or whatever the fuck they decide to do with this poor boy. I am surprised he hasn’t turned to putty and been stretched to nothingness. Anywho the song. He gives ladies flowers and then woos them with dance pop songs. As you do.