Last night I watched the American Music Awards and I found the most amazing specimens of humanity. Actually I just lied to you I saw meh performances and wasted three hours of my time. However I made the following very important notes for you all to read:
Pitbull as host-
He starts off as an awkward happy puppy. For some reason they decided to give him jokes to tell (luckily only two painful gems). Still at moments he comes out as the creepy uncle who is way too excited becuase he is tipsy and not yet drunk.
He called himself the Captian of the AMAs. I hope this means he can marry people then he can marry Celebrity X to Celebrity Y. You know for the lols. Can you imagine how horrible this would be? And hilarious? I am laughing so so hard.
Pop Rock Category-
There were a couple of awards in this “genre” and it took me a moment to realize it encompassed pop and rock. Rock being that mild “One Republic/Maroon 5” stuff. But it confused me for a moment while One Direction won stuff.
Also I think in One Direction I like the swarthy one. I don’t know his name becuase I am not really into him but you know you see a group of people and you need to choose a favorite. This is something I learned in my Tiger Beat days.
Charli XCX performance-
Boom Clap is done in a Prom Style and then oops her dress pulls off and it turns into some semi-goth/bondage prom. Mild but so hard in her head. They even smashed a lolly. BADASS.
Magic! performing Rude-
1st- Since when is Wyclef Jean a super-Reggae star?
2nd- Wyclef is opening for these douchebags?
I muted the song after Wyclef stopped because you know I love my sanity. I really really hate this song. I did see them walking down into the audience. I really hope they asked people to specifcally come so they could use this occasion to call them out as Rude.
Iggy Azalea beat out Drake and Eminem. Nothing witty to say here just :p Andreaboo.
5 Seconds of Summer performance-
Covered “What I Like About You” by the Romantics. It was a solid cover. For boybands which are all the rage right now if you are a 13-16 year old girl, you could do worse (The Wanted) than them. They can play instruments and probably attempt to write their own songs. They are fine. And they have those cute Aussie voices. Totally swoon worthy for a teen girl. I know suprising that I am not all up in this but I like pop. Not Pop-Rock. I want my boybands as fake as possible. Thank you very much.
Imagine Dragons performance-
Their “new” song! If this doesn’t include those giant dong dong drums then it will be stupid. No drums. They have a choir. That isn’t the drums. This song sucks. No drums then you got nothing. You are just a boring band. BORING
Sam Smith performance-
Just a general eeek. He is the embodiment of the Slumber Party The Craft game but he is my BAE. I loved him since Latch and will always. Maybe he will learn to be less stiffy. And the last time I heard him perform this song I was in LONDON and it was live. In my face. Woot. EEEk </eeek> Also ASAP Rocky is kind of cute.
Quick Performance Reviews-
Iggy Azalea- Sexy Monkey Bars
Lorde- In A Box. Spastastic.
Ariana Grande- Eyelashes. Jazzy Problem. Eeek The Weeknd!
Pitbull w/ Ne-Yo: Mmmmm Ne-Yo. Get away creepy uncle Pitbull.
One Direction performance-
Boring. Honestly they are boring performers. They do well but it is so just “now you sing”, “no now you sing”. Swarthy has tattoos. He is the bad boy. oooh.
Lil Wayne with Christina Milan-
1st- He is wearing capris. I hope this song is about why he is wearing capris. Like he burned the pants and that started the fire and now all he has is capris.
But noooo. This song is about how he is in love with a hot girl (she started the fire?) and no one understands. Ahem Mr. Lil Wayne- We all understand why a hot girl would like you and why you would be in love with a hot girl. It doesn’t take much brain power to figure that out. Now who started the fire?
Nicki Minaj with Skylar Grey-
I spent the entire song trying to figure out who was performing with Nicki Minaj. Skylar Grey has a beautiful voice. Nicki was really subdued and I approve of the performance.
She is still a thing? This song is a bunch of mumbling and then shout out city names. Eh whatever? Oh she just said San Diego. I looove this song now. Woooot!
Quick Performance Reviews (2)-
Garth Brooks- He is back!! And boring. It isn’t even country just boring Pop-Rock.
Mary J Blige- Yay Sam Smith co-write. Song is good solid R&B.
Bang Bang (Nicki Minaj, Jesse J, Ariana Grande)- It makes me feel good that I think most women are 100% comfortable in heels. And while I can’t do what they do, we all feel like we might fall at some point.
Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea- Booty. Not much else to the song and even that stops midway.