I feel like a preface is necessary because of reasons for my head. It has been a long hiatus and I hope to keep this blog more steady and be more accountable to produce good and frequent content. The beginning of the year will probably be filled with these haul/unboxing posts and movie posts. Probably some music. So you know the usual. It is nice to have something come back and things not change too much. I mean this more for me than you.
New box of the month for me: PopSugar. I ditched Ipsy for a Lifestyle box, Popsugar. It is more expensive ($40/month as opposed to $10/month) but so much variety.
I think this month’s theme is something like Renew Re-Energize Whatever. Oh my picture quality will probably be horrible. I think this will make these posts less entertaining but i think it adds a level of beautiful janky.
Most likely to be used all up: First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream
This is my daily face cream. First saying that makes me feel like I am from the 1950s and I really should stop entertaining these ideas of “writing” and get back to making that roast before the provider comes home. I really love this cream and it is reasonably priced (smaller version is $12 and lasts about 2-3 months). The jar is pretty fuckable too. If that is your thing guys with dicks. So moisturizing: 9, fuckability a solid 7.
Most likely to never be worn but I can’t throw it away: Jack +Lucy Pom Pom hat
It is so fucking huge. I have to wear it like a slouchie hat but I do love it. I live in Southern California so instances where I need to wear it are few but I will love it forever until I realize that I don’t need it and give it away. So lets give this hat 4 months. This could be the key to starting my new indie band “Gravity and the gumdrops of creation”. My craigslist add would be: Seeing bandmates for new indie band. You play guitar, drums, keyboard, and/or bass. Also need a singer. I girl who has a really cool hat and band name. Lets soar!” Fuckability 2: It is wool but soft so if you lubed it up it could work.
Most likely to be Given Away 2 seconds after opening the box: Nature Valley Protein Granola
I don’t like peanut butter. This is not my bag of granola. Also I don’t know what to do with granola. I don’t like yogurt that much and I don’t want to eat it by itself. I could have kept it to throw at clowns. Lick it a bit and hope it sticks on the face paint and in their hair. I should have made that my new year’s resolution: torture more clowns. At least 50% more than last year. Fuckability: 0 unless you like it rough you sick fuck.
Most likely to be used for not its intended purpose: Manduka eQua Hand Towel
I think this is for when you yoga sweat and need to wipe it off so you don’t slide on the mat and slip and slide your way to the girl in front of you doing downward facing dog. Also giving it a fancy title is really not hiding your doggie style pose. I will probably use the towel for cleaning my face. I might use it when I eventually go to the gym (hahahaha). It is soft as fuck. So I give it a fuckability of 5.
Most likely to be useful after a night of drinking: ToGoSpa Eyes
I have been focused on creams and ointments to fix my face. Not that it needed fixing, I am just that vain. I do have a category of things for my eyes and will eventually get them for my face as a whole, for fixes when I don’t sleep a lot and/or are hungover. The hungover doesn’t happen a lot but it is still something I need to plan for. Either I am the baller of the ballers or just a sad monkey in a police uniform. You decide.
Fuckability: 0. Seriously if you can wrap it around your penis, get a new penis and also NO.
Most likely to be worn once and then realize nope: Skin Jewel Tattoos Empire
Ahh these are the cross promotion with the new show Empire. I don’t fully understand. I get that they are cold but they are that fake tribal kind of design that white girls wear to Coachella. Well this white girl will try them for dates or other fun nights out. I have a feeling I will find them too complicated to get around my wrist that I will give up and never use them again. I could be corrected by the magic of gold. Gold is better.
Fuckability: O but it could enhance fuckability. I wouldn’t put it on your junk but maybe above it as away of saying- I love Perfume Genius too babe now come sit right here.
Most likely to be used for work: KeepCup Brew 12-Ounce Reusable Coffee Cup
I need to say something: I know this is to combat the Starbucks,etc paper cups but before Starbucks and the like all coffee cups were reusable. I have a whole shelf of “reusable” coffee cups. This is the stupidest term ever for this. Like for serious. I love the cup, btw. It is a bit small but really good for tea when I am at work. I give it aces plus.
Fuckabliity 10: if you are a sex Macguyver and can add some sponges, lube, saran wrap and rubber bands. It would be such the perfect size for your own fleshlight. Pro there is a rubber grip handle.