Coachella hack – bring the festival home

download (1) Coachella Festival of music and this is starting today.  I assume you are like me and are not going. And if you are more like me then you are at least curious to see some bands. I have a plan to create the Coachella experience in your very own home. I know this post is super late but hopefully you won’t have to go out and procure much to make your home into the number 1 alternative festival spot. Vivi’s “simple” 5 step plan to turn a home into a heartache, ooops, satellite Coachella.

1. Stream Coachella (Youtube Link)

Find away to get YouTube (streaming) on the biggest screen in your home. I personally use Chromecast but figure out what works best with YouTube streaming.   Get it going and get it going loud. There will be 2-3 channels for you to find the best shows to watch. You won’t have to walk through the heat from stage to stage. Your fingers will do all the traveling.

2. Research

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Everyone who is everyone who is everyone knows that the  “smaller font” bands are the “cool” bands you should enjoy. No one cares about AC/Decrepid (lololol) anymore. Jack White? more like Jack are you really still here? (no seriously we love Jack White and he can do no wrong). With a wee bit of prep you can find one “small font” act to enjoy.  You can go “crazy” and find multiple “small font” bands but we don’t want to shock your system too hard.

Here are some ones that I enjoy:

Charles Bradley – that soul music that makes you want to grind yourself into the ground because you are grooving so hard.

Glass Animals – that super sultry electro pop that is perfect for make-out sessions or even “me time”.  See also: FKA Twigs

Lights –  very close to CHVRCHES if you like them. If that is another band you don’t know think synthpop with chick vocals.

Perfume Genius – a slower drawn out pop (Wikipedia calls it Chamber pop). One of the closest performers and styles to David Bowie we have today (that I know of). But it isn’t exact. Just get the vibe people.

Sturgill Simpson – Country that country stations won’t play. This comment is according to my dad. This is the good “old country” vibe that is really good. No crap pop country.

3. Decorate your home

Some steps to create the festival atmosphere in your own home. Be creative! Turn up the heat! No that is stupid. The advantage is that it is nice and cool and not a fucking desert in your house.

A. Build your own beer garden.
Every festival has one and now you do too!! You will need:

-Dining Room table chairs
-Crepe Paper and tape
-Sign that says Beer Garden (put your own sponsor! Coors? Stone Brewing? Arbor Mist?)
-Cooler with beer (or whatever beverage you like)

Put the chairs in a big open circle or square and your choice if you want the seated part facing out or in. Tape the crepe paper around the chairs. Tape the sign around the chairs. Put the cooler in the circle/square. You may have to limbo a bit but it is a festival!. All parties have limbos (non-lame ones).

B. Hydration station
Place another cooler far away from that naughty beer garden that is filled with bottles of water. Don’t want to get dehydrated in this desert heat! Wouldn’t it have been awesome if I wrote dessert heat instead? Who doesn’t want a warm brownie with ice cream right now?  You know you do and since you are at home you can do it without paying $10 for something craptastic.  Do it!!

C. Sponsorship
Print out your favorite companies logos and paste them around your house. Everything at Coachella is branded some how. You could even get your friends to pay you $10 for a wall to be sponsored by their company. Everything is for sale!!  This “molly” is sponsored by the CBS hit show Mike and Molly.

D. ART!!

Be creative. Coachella has multiple art sculptures. You can create on by just carefully stacking stuff on top of each other. Take your ottoman and throw some pillows and cat toys on top. Look you just made art. Next stop the Guggenheim!

4. Decorate yourself.

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Here is an example of clothing

Then accessorize. Good accessories will take the least festival looks you have and make them all Coachella-y. This is mostly geared towards women but if any of this appeals to you men then rock it fierce.  And you probably only need one or two of these items to be in the “spirit” . Here is a Polyvore page of some suggested items (all from Forever 21 so reasonably cheap):

Festival Look

I would suggest the headband and flash tattoos. Maybe the sunglasses also. But the first two are simple easy and fun. You might be able to find the tattoos at a dollar store or Walmart. They are the in thing right now. To be festival ready think of the following: flowers, fringe, arrows, brown. Any combination of those and you are golden.

5. Invite your friends over.

You are all set and ready to party so invite some friends over to join you. You have the beer and water and decorations they should chip in for food.  But not chips. That isn’t food. That is just the vehicle upon which food is place (dip is totally food). When your friends are here, you can tell stories when you remember when this band was cool and didn’t sell out to big Corporate Coachella. Talk about how you saw them perform on the back of a moving truck and you had to run the whole way to catch the show. That is music, man. How it should be heard. Not just standing and aimlessly waving your arms around.

If your friends can’t come then gather your pets or stuffed animals and do the same. Also pick up your pets and dance with them. THEY LOVE THIS. Because they don’t know English, they won’t tell you but I know. They do. There you have it.

Have fun this weekend. Be safe! Don’t take anything your cat offers you. They aren’t to be trusted. They dilute all of their drugs.

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