A Tale of Two Concerts

In a super-near-and, a princess (I can be what I want) decided to go to two concerts in one week! OMG. MUCH AMAZE. These concerts were decidedly different with decidedly different learning experiences. The queen (UPGRADE) has come forth to share these experiences with her subjects (that is you!).

Meshuggah (opener Warbringer)

  • I learned I  like thrash metal (Warbringer) if it is live. If it is on Spotify they can suck a bag of dicks. Maybe not that harshly but now that we as a society have found out that bags of dicks are secret yummy gummies, is that really a bad thing? I think not. I would gladly eat a bag of dicks. Maybe i should delete that last part. Eh.
  • I hate using the word Metal. It is so vague. I am growing up and learning that terms like Metal, Electronic, Indie are so fucking vague and really don’t help anyone figure out what the fuck you are listening to.
  • Mosh pits like to do this kind of brutal ring-around-a-rosie. I really was holding out for the Mosh Pit duck-duck-goose or the Mosh Pit London Bridges (the children’s game, not the sex move you pervs).
  • Beer of Metal or Meshuggah? Coors with a smattering of PBR. What this Goddess (MEGA UPGRADE) drank? Gin and Club soda.
  • i cannot throw the “devil fingers” because I am afraid I will look like a silly Goddess and that I will throw the I love you or Live Long and Prosper.  Or the shocker. Again I shouldn’t have said that. Eh eh?
  • Ladies you love a man with a man bun? Do you care what music he listens to and that he may live with his mom (BURN- jk)?  SO MANY MAN BUNS.
  • In this day and age it is really hard to be bad-ass when you are in your studded leather Slayer jacket checking your Instagram picture of the concert for possible likes.
  • Meshuggah (oh yeah I should talk about the music right?) They are an amazing tight machine. If they were a fuck machine they would be super functional but you still wouldn’t want to fuck it. The rhythm isn’t anything anyone would probably get the right groove too. However. I have this stetting on my… laptop. Sure lets go with laptop. Changed my mind: it could work.
  • I seriously headbanged so hard, I was achingly sore the next day.
  • Another hard to be bad-ass moment: while in your shirt that says “you have the right to remain violent” and then holding a churro in one hand and a RedBull in the other. They really should make devil churro fingers for these concerts.

Belle and Sebastian (opener Perfume Genius)

  • When they don’t have the bear shirt in your size your only option is the hippie peace one.
  • It is almost required to dress in your manic-pixie-dream girl finest.
  • No alcohol for me. Happy that this venue has corralled all the drinkers into an area that doesn’t spill onto me.
  • Happy at the surprisingly little amount of cell phones taking pictures/video.
  • Perfume Genius is beautiful, primal, glorious. I love him dearly and he can do no wrong for me. He was sweet and demur and sang these songs with so much charged emotion.
  • More observational notes at Meshuggah since it was my first time at a “metal” concert and I felt like the anthropologist that was trying to be come one of the tribe but also be an outside observer.
  • Tall people are evil. Well not really, except for the ones that kill. They should be stopped. But I hate how they have to always stand in front of me at concerts. I see it is mostly the tall boys that have the tiniest girlfriends and obviously want to be nice and make sure the girl can see. This act of chivalry fucks me over.
  • Belle and Sebastian have a fuck ton of people on stage and I love that. It gave them a rich, full, and fun sound. They were perfect. One hour and forty-five minutes of fun and dancing.
  • Way more dancing than I expected and I loved that. Dancing at a concert is my #2 activity behind making out.
  • Stuart Murdoch. I love a chatty, charming, singer-song writer from the UK. It is my weakness. The heavens must line up perfectly for the sexiness overcome me but when it does my panties are all. … Seriously, Glorious Creator of Everything That is Existence (ULTIMATE UPGRADE) you really should just wipe all their brains (that is you).  But I am too nice for that. I did create pandas. And they are useless. But so cute!!!!!!!!!

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